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    dots Submission Name: And he criesdots

    Author: Tekin_Kashami
    ASL Info:    18/male/Houston, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 131/77/23
    Words: 259
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1582

       My first song, all critique is desirable.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd he criesdots

    A man sits atop a warm cove lost to all
    He leans toward the edge and he tries to fall
    But something stops him, from plunging right there
    He closes his eyes and then up he does stare

    And he cries
    Cries for all his worth
    Cries to be heard
    He cries so someone might know his sorrow
    He cries with all his has
    He cries and there he lies
    A woman sits in a bedroom
    She touches her womb
    To the baby inside she says "Goodbye"
    Then she raises the gun up high

    And she cries
    Cries for all her worth
    Cries to be heard
    He cries so someone might know her sorrow
    She cries with all she has
    She cries, and there she lies

    The doctor holds a baby in his hands
    He knows it's a fetus, by all his plans
    But a baby lay there dead from his cruel works
    He looked behind to see his two missing clerks

    And he cries
    Cries for all his worth
    Cries to be heard
    He cries so someone might know his sorrow
    He cries with all he has
    He cries, and there he lies

    And she cries
    Ad he cries
    And together they cry

    And they cry
    They cry for all their worth
    Cry to be heard
    They cry so one might know their sorrow
    They cry with all he have
    They cry, and there they lie

    They cry, and there they lie

    Submitted on 2005-05-25 07:54:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this song
    It is very sad thou
    as I interpeted it is about a family that has lost the will to go on

    I cant believe someone so young put this poem together

    you are extremely gifted

    keep writing as it heals

    Feel free to read some of my poems if you can and please give me some feedback

    Once again great write
    Take Care
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this would be better suited as a poem because I think that there is too much of a varying plot to be heard as lyrics. Being a lyric writer myself, I don't get to read much on here, and when I do I probably get too expectant. I just think lyrics should be more focused in their plots [if any] and this was kinda complex. So that's my critique but for being 12, I'd love to read some stuff of yours as you get older because this is quite a mature write, just don't let the flame go out...
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a really good poem.If you could , would you explain the meaning of it for me?Some of the parts in your poem are missing letters or are miss worded.I am just telling you this to be nice nt mean.
    | Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by shombray | [ Reply to This ]

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