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Here We Are

Author: Yousef
ASL Info:    26/M/Egypt
Elite Ratio:    8 - 468 /203 /22
Words: 123
Class/Type: Poetry /You left me
Total Views: 1358
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 814


They say that the most beautiful creatures are those who are most dangerous! All comments are appreciated, and thanks in advance.

Here We Are

Here we are

After all those years
Little laughter
So many tears

Here we are

We meet again
Moving slowly
Dancing in the rain

But wait a minute
I need to know
Before I hold you in my arms
And never let go

But you chose to leave
Not to stay
Didn't resist
Just ran away

Here we are

And now you say
We are meant to be
I am made for you
And you are made for me

Where were you from the start?!
What changed?!
Why are you claiming my heart?!

I should have known
There's a thorn in every rose
But, don't blame me
You are the one who chose!

Submitted on 2005-05-25 07:54:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This piece was really good, particularly the first part:

"Here we are

After all those years
Little laughter
So many tears

Here we are

We meet again
Moving slowly
Dancing in the rain"

The blank lines are prefectly placed. They slow the reader just enough to create a contemplative attitude. I can just picture the people standing there in the rain.

Nicely done,
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  First off; I'd like to say that I really and truly enjoyed this piece. It shows plenty of emotion. I feel your heartache, my friend, for I too have loved and lost.

Secondly; it is well written with no spelling or grammarical errors(as far as I can tell). It flows nicely and is easy to read. Also, it drew me in and made me feel what you felt. Good job!

"I should have known
There's a thorn in every rose
But, don't blame me
You are the one who chose!"

I really liked this! It showed that even though you tried, she left, and it was really no fault of yours. Love can be a real b.itch sometimes...but it can also be the most wonderful thing if you find the right person...perhaps this was just not the right one for you.

Well, I'm out. Keep up the excellent work! :)
| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Angel-of-Avalon | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi there how are? I read this poem twice. First of all I would say it is a lovely piece. I don’t know where to start. I will start with the style of the poem. As it has been said before, this poem is very simple and comes straight from your heart to the paper. I personally like simple poems. The wording is good; you have chosen the correct words to describe things. Your rhyme scheme is fine. Now I will come to the meaning, which is the most important thing for me. You started by telling us where and how everything begun (first stanza). Then you tell us about the present situation and the confusion created in your mine (second, third and fourth stanza). After that comes my favourite part: the questions. You have done a brilliant job here. Now you put your confusion into words. Your poem is good and gives a good feeling. After a very long time I felt happy. Thanks to your poem. If I may I would like to tell you something about the personal fact. Not everyone is lucky enough to get a second chance. Some people just walkout of ones life without turning around again, one keeps on waiting. Don't let that happen to you. I hope I was able to help you with this comment. I almost forget to tell you. I love the way you keep on repeating the same line.
Here we are. I would just suggest one small thing maybe put the line at the end again.

A Nice piece with lots of love shabnam
| Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  havent read anything of yours for awhile so lets see. reminds me of graudating. no idea why. it just does. but it wasnt that bad. sweet. only words i could use really. sweet love maybe or friendship. think love. liked the 'here we are' repeat. its like present and then flashback and back to present. dont know if youll understand that.

| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
  Ahh, i read this already, i remember now... Improvement on the unclaimed heart noted, reads better now.
Keep 'em coming
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice. It's straightforward and honest. There is no hesitation in writing this. Sounds more like something you needed to get your thoughts out in the open than simply poetry. But who knows what poetry these days. It no longer is something we must read a few times to get the meaning out. These days, poets are those people who are able to write their heart and soul out in the open.

You spoke your heart out and it's something we can all relate to somehow. Too bad for the girl. She seems like she doesn't really know what she wants. Anyhow, her loss, not yours.

I wrote something named "Beauty is dangerous" but i didn't post it on this site yet. Maybe i'll post it for you and you'll can share your thoughts on that. I wrote like the same time when i wrote "Truth is beauty, so are lies".

Anyhow, in terms of the poem, everything flows smoothly except for claiming an unclaimed heart. Drop the unclaimed part. It's too obvious that your heart was unclaimed. You don't need to add it. Just think that it should be dropped. But if you wanna keep it, fine by me.

Nice write. Peace...Irina
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Like Irina, i agree the whole poem flowed other than this line" Why are you claiming my unclaimed heart?! " Try to reword this line make it a little shorter and i think you're onto a real good piece of poetry. Other than that a brilliant piece, and you made the story behind it very clear within the poem.
Good Piece,
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]

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