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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untangled Revelationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 829



    Description:
       It's been awhile since I wrote free verse. Critic anything you want, I love feedback. But please include your thoughts and interpretations! I'd love that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntangled Revelationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a whisper; crawling down,
    comes the spider in the mind;
    Weaving the labyrinth within,
    its tremendous weight
    latched upon a line.

    O, if disruption be cast upon that web,
    If sturdy silk were to wilt and waver;
    And in the sudden demolition,
    its convoluted structure of complication
    Shall be reduced
    to poor simplicity,
    in which the spider dies.

    The maze is mauled of its existence
    And its sudden plainness reveals clarity
    Of thought, of sight,
    and of the mind.

    If sturdy silk were to wilt and waver;
    O, if disruption be cast upon that web!
    How clear the mind shall bloom and flower!
    Alas, the current of the spiderís crafts
    Has yet failed to ebb.





    Submitted on 2005-05-26 07:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey this is one SAGACIOUSLY penned down piece. It serves to confirm how intricate everything has been designed including the fascinating spiders. I loved the vivid imagery that you applied. I never thought someone would craft something this ingenious around something that some of us would discard as being irrelevant. Moreover, you meticulously breathed so much life into each stanza and I was disturbed by the amount of realism in this piece.I gotta give it to you, only a talented artist can craft a piece with so much precision.This was my fav verse "O, if disruption be cast upon that web,
    If sturdy silk were to wilt and waver;
    And in the sudden demolition,
    its convoluted structure of complication
    Shall be reduced
    to poor simplicity,
    in which the spider dies". Nevertheless,I loved the entire piece..VERY UNIQUE...An astute piece..Thank you for sharing...BE HAPPY Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the deep thoughts. Something the average person wouldn't care to picture... a spider in our minds. I must say it is a well-chosen image, because a spider is rarely represented this way, but I agree with how you've pictured a spider than the typical eight-legged insect people hate.

    I like how you've got me thinking... :)

    Take care,
    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      So, I read "Away into Ambiguity" and I thought, Wow! this guy has some talent, and then I thought, "what else does he have" and I come hear..then is really good and I'll try my best to do poetical justice to this write...

    SPIDER represents fear, something that stops us from going on...it's a type of illusion or paranoia that we all allow to grow w/in the depths of our mind, and as it grows it becomes stronger and we become weaker-fighting between what we want and what we fear...

    "Weaving the labyrinth within,
    its tremendous weight "

    For some reason this reminds me of LIFE-it is a maze that we all must travel in to reach our final home.

    "O, if disruption be cast upon that web,
    If sturdy silk were to wilt and waver;
    And in the sudden demolition,
    its convoluted structure of complication
    Shall be reduced
    to poor simplicity,
    in which the spider dies.

    The maze is mauled of its existence
    And its sudden plainness reveals clarity
    Of thought, of sight,
    and of the mind."

    This is great here, so our life is one big tangled web, something we have made ourselves, we have created the spider which has created a web-but w/ everything we create, we can fix or break...
    The web is our confusion, something we have problems w/-peopel have different types of webs...the descontruction of the complication in our lives, yes leads to poor simplicity, but I think it'd be harder to work our lives simply b/c we have always lived w/ complication..always the hard way out...but always, we will learn, the web will be gone and life will be simple-

    my friend, your poem is remarkable, but you reach for something that is impossible...our world,, our life is full of spiders and it is impossible to untangle the webs to our revalation...war, hatred, evil, sinful death...there are too many spiders, too many webs...
    but you have done good to try
    take care
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...okay...great one, man. I haven't posted on the site in a while but of course I'm still checking out my stalker's submissions.

    This is really something. You've outdone yourself with this one, zhi wei. I love the free verse...adds nice contrast between the central theme of the poem with the web symbolizing the trouble in one's life...the confusion and whatnot and the easy flow of your free verse...very nice indeed...nice variation and you know I love that.

    Also, speaking of the metaphoric referral to the web and confusion in life, I have to say that I loved your use of symbolism. Very unique...I find that my mind seems to be cluttered the same exact way with those spider webs...this poem reminds me of my passionate ascension poem...or to spiders on the church pew poem...they keep coming back...the difficulties...your "spiders"...very deep and thought provoking.

    What I didn't understand was your title...revelation in a dream...maybe it's just me but I didn't see anything within your poem about any kind of dream or what kind of metaphoric reference you were making to a dream. Perhaps something more aimed at the mind or spider webs...something along those lines. The revelation part works yet still I'd change the part about the dream...makes a little more sense to me. Or maybe I just missed your reference to dreams in this poem...lol..who knows...I could just be rambling...haha. Anyways, always a great experience reading your poetry. You truly have a unique voice. Nice piece and it's on one of my most favored themes so it'll go in my favorites column. Great work.


    -Jaclyn
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the structure you use in this poem and the vocabulary seems very well thought out. it's always good to know some background on what you are writing about and you seem to have accomplished this task. i would suggest a changing the title though. this poem doesn't seem to realy express the concept of revelation so much as just pattern and morphing of realization. good work. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by peach_tequilla | [ Reply to This ]
      As one having many "spiders", this poem gives respite. Very well thought out, spiders also being sometimes scary and webs being the traps they are.

    A clearing of the mind is necessary from time to time and your poem shows this is difficult, but I don't think impossible. Just think of another poem to write!

    The title could be changed to match the story better. Probably most of what is good poetry comes from dreams.
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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