Description: Yes, to answer your question, it's about my Mr. Wonderful. It's funny, I call him 'MY' Mr. Wonderful, even though he's not really 'mine' yet. But I do hope it ends up that way. he's amazing.
My Revelation -------------------------------------------
Fear and doubt
They sit upon my shoulder
Love and Trust
They sit upon the other
He has subdued the darkness
Volumized the light
Blazing like a bonfire
Turning my sorrows to ashen memories
Though I never sought out love
He's delivered it
Though I never thought I'd smile again
He's given me a reason
The scars now vanishing
He's my sanctuary
In all he does, and in all he'll do
I'll stand beside him
I believe in his love for me
I believe in his faith in God
This piece read like a blank canvas, the words written are stretched upon an easel waiting for this story of love to be told. The form was good, and it flowed well.
There's a lot of innocence in this piece. Plain, simple, young love without any worries, questions or doubts. I hope you truly have this love or can make it happen. I'm sorry that you're journal seems a little less rosy.
"Blazing like a bonfire Turning my sorrows to ashen memories"
This was a really good job or stringing words together with originality.
"I believe in his love for me I believe in his faith in God
I believe in Him."
I think you left your ending vague on purpose, to give it two meanings, you believe in the man and you believe in God. If that was your thought, as an alternative, you might want to consider two lines.
This was good! But I think it could use something more to bring it to life. It shows that you are in love but how much in love what would you do for it how far can your faith be tested dig deep and bring your real emotions out in this, It has the potential for it really it does. I have read your work on here and I have seen your emotions pour out in them. And by the way good luck with your Mr. Wonderful he seems like a great guy. ~~Donna~~
oh wow. this was really good! i felt the emotion all the way, and there were so many indescribable ones...it was great. you must be REALLY into this dude...hahahalol. nice flow...nice words. nothing to bust!
I have to agree it sounds like you are falling really hard for this guy, the poem is nicely written...every girl wants this..or at least I do...hope everything works out for better with you and your "Mr. Wonderful"
Sounds like somebody's got a crush! Big time...Aren't you a little too old for crushes? LOL
This was beautifully written. It started off very stronger and softened up for the hopeful ending. The line "I believe in his faith in God" just shows how much you believe he is the one. Nice one...
Be careful when it comes to him. He has that effect on ALOT of girls at first. Trust me, i ONLY say this for YOUR benifit! I have been in your shoes before. He is a great sweet talker...And i know, he will be furious for me leaving this comment, but hey, this is girl to girl.
Howdy :) I think this poem can be interpretted in a couple of ways :) ONe way, based on the description, is about a guy you really like love...the capitization of the Him makes him almost Godlike :) the other interpration that this about the love of God. <shrug> It's cool that it can be read either way <either that or I've had too much coffee and the caffiene is playing tricks on my brain> :)
This was good!it was beautifully written. It started off very stronge and softened up for the hopeful ending.hope everything works out for better with you and your "Mr. Wonderful". great write. lia
Submission Name: My Revelation
