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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Butterfly Effectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Samuel Bielz
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 151/182/46
    Words: 378
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 303
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2371



    Description:
       Strange how the smallest choices can change history


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Butterfly Effectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My twelfth grade classroom
    Only three minutes left
    We all watch the clock tick
    As we sit in our desks

    The bell finally rings
    As we rush towards the door
    Finally out of school
    At a quarter to four

    As I walk down the street
    To my girlfriend's place
    I see on the other side of the road
    I boy with a blank looking face

    Running up behind him
    Was four other guys
    They teased him and pushed him
    I saw tears in his eyes

    I ran over to help him
    But they all ran away
    I helped him pick up his books
    He was having a bad say

    To help him cheer up
    I asked him his name
    He said it was David
    He looked a litte shamed

    I invited him to a concert
    I had an extra tickiet to go
    He said he'd think about it
    But I think he meant no

    I encouraged him to come
    It was a really good band
    He said he wasn't sure
    And he already had plans

    I told him we was crazy
    He would miss quite a show
    He thought for a minute
    Than he said he would go

    Two years later now
    We've become friends, we're close
    We hang out alot
    I'm probably with him the most

    Last week I said to him
    "Dude, you never study
    I'm not lecturing you
    I was just wondering something"

    I said "When we first met,
    You had all your books
    You were taking them home
    Was that all for looks?"

    He said he was making it easy
    That he didn't want his Mom
    To have to clean out his locker
    After he was gone

    He explained that in school that day
    He had made up is mind
    He was going to go home and leave
    This cruel world behind

    He said that he prayed to God
    To show him a sign
    That somebody cared
    And I came just in time

    He said that I saved him
    By being so nice
    He had almost paid
    the ultimate price

    Astonishing how just one act
    lasting only a minute
    Can change one's whole life
    And everything in it




    Submitted on 2005-05-26 19:24:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As I walk down the street
    To my girlfriend's place
    I see on the other side of the road
    I boy with a blank looking face
    ^ I think the poem can do without so many syllables in this stanze...

    I ran over to help him
    But they all ran away
    I helped him pick up his books
    He was having a bad say <think you meant to say Day.

    I loved it though. The Butterfly Effect, I take it, you've seen. So amazing how something so small could create such catastrophe.. - wow I like that line.. I think i'll use it in a poem. Wow, see that...you inspired me
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by BenevolantWords | [ Reply to This ]
      The Butterfly Effect, a long..and complicated thing to talk about. Its true though, how one little thing can affect something so big. How a flap of a Butterflys Wings can create a car crash half way across the world. Or as someone said to me, If you were to press in a certain spot at a certain time, a certain thing will happen to you in the future. The movie "The Butterfly Effect" could explain it much better, but sadly you need to understand it in order to think its a good movie. Alright, enough ranting, you did a good job with your poem, explaining it and all, congrats.
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      my sophomore class had a very similar story told to us and it was as touching then as it is now. its hard to believe such a coincidence could ever happen but so many kids want to take that route so its very possible. good job at transforming one of my favorite stories into a wonderfully written poem.~nahlij
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good it told a story. It had flow and rhyme. I do tho think it could use a little more something. Something to make the poem more orginal. I have heard this story before so you need to make it a story of your own. Own it with your own style.You have done a good job, It was a awesome story. ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      um wow i dont even know what to say to this. i mean its teriffic. and very touching. and very emotional and just wow. you are such an amazing writer sam. the last two stanza's are my favorite id have to say im not sure why but i like those the best. this is great sam i hope to hear from you soon take care hun... Joy
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Sam, that was great! So inspirational...I love how you tie it in in the end:
    "Astonishing how just one act
    lasting only a minute
    Can change one's whole life
    And everything in it"
    It may be kind of long, but I think that's necessary to portray the full story. I truly enjoyed this, keep up the good work!

    ~Jen~
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by Jengrr | [ Reply to This ]
      I wasnt so much for the vocabulary as I was for the story line. I enjoyed it. It seems to follow the thoery of the Butterfly effect quite well. It was predictable but interesting all the same.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was amazing. I am not sure if you were telling a story or had meant for this to be a poem or what but if so it could use just a little help with the way it sounds (Just a very small tiny little bit of help) This is a very very powerful piece. Brilliant I really loved it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]



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