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    dots Submission Name: Falling Around Medots

    Author: Star
    ASL Info:    15 F WI
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 125/127/42
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 673
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416

       Umm yeah its just words
    SO if you dont like it tell me
    AHhh i suck at writing

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling Around Medots

    The darkness falls around me
    as I lay waiting
    For the one who will make it all better
    For the one who will make the pain go away

    The darkness falls around me
    as I lay listening
    for the one who will take me away
    for the one who will watch over me

    The darkness falls around me
    The darkness
    is now complete
    as we slip away

    Submitted on 2005-05-26 21:48:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Okay Star, I donno who ur waiting 4 but theyll cum soon! i PROMISE, lol when I read ur writes I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND CUZ you seem so hppy, on the outside wen were with other people but wen i get u alone, ur totaly diferant, How can u cover it up so well?


    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Theres definatly alot of potential in your writing ...Okay so it wasnt the best thing ever,,,,but it was still worth reading ..and like i said ..theres potential there...Just a tip...Dont put in your descriptiong that [censored] ...people will thing you do because you said it ...not because of anything youve written ..Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, it was a little choppy, and I have heard better. You could add some more details and express the words more. Just some friendly advice

    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by fallenpopcorn10 | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved your words. most people can't seem to put their emotions in a song, but you did...and i feel really lucky to have stumbled upon your god given poem. it kind of made me feel better to know that i'm not the only one in this world with these kind of "thoughts". so keep up the good work. and thank you for writing such a lovely poem. it inspired me.
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by ransom rain | [ Reply to This ]
      its ok but i think you should work on the wording and add more detail and imagery to it.write some things that will interest your readers.

    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by black_joker1292 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good, though I think you could make it a bit better. The flow was pretty good, though a tad choppy.

    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      It was alright I thought it could of been more in here like more detail and more words to cacth the readers attentions. the words in the piece where to simple for my likeing so it made the poem seem kinda bland. well i'm soory if it seems like i'm [censored] but i'm just trying to help. well i don't know what elset o say hope to hear from you.keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG i love the way you write i can relate on all levels and appreciate where you are coming from . . . sometimes i feel the same way . . . trapped as if i couldnt get out! i hate that feeling!
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by qtctgurl77 | [ Reply to This ]

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