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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Us Cowardsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: inkonspikuous
    ASL Info:    21/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    5.94 - 76/74/26
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 243
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 949



    Description:
       Background? I was in a place where I felt like I wanted to give up, poetry was kind of my savior but for all the wrong reasons or are there wrong reasons?..anyway I just wanted to get away. Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUs Cowardsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    People say love gives reason,
    and hate kills,
    but I am still searching for a gun with bullets.
    Only the brave outrun uncertainity.
    Us cowards only dream.
    We dream until love amputates our legs,
    and immerses our hearts in hate.
    Known to disappoint to gain dependency,
    and become helpless to salvage consistancy.
    We cry sweet tears until we turn bitter,
    while waiting in fear for reality
    to haunt us down in our sleep.
    Making poetry to us seem heaven-sent
    not because of the beauty of the prose,
    but because reality can't fit
    in between the lines of the paper.
    In the paper is where our hope lives and dies,
    where the brave aren't invincible,
    and reality is no more than a word.
    Where I want to live out the rest of my life
    waiting for my soul to whither from tears
    and die from lack of words.




    Submitted on 2005-05-27 13:34:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Umm, call me (ishmail?) stupid but I didn't really understand the meaning of the first three lines.
    After that it seems you start afresh with a new piece.
    I understand the feelings there, that reality cannot break into nor fit into what we wish to be, into what we create.

    As for a critisism, there are just a couple of words here and there that may sound a little better if changed.
    Once again though I read everything differently to most so I'm not too sure if I'm reading it right.

    These are they though..

    People say love gives reason,
    and hate kills,
    but I am still searching for a gun with bullets.
    Only the brave outrun uncertainity.
    Us cowards only dream.
    We dream until love amputates our legs,
    and immerses our hearts in hate.
    Known to disappoint to gain dependency,
    and become helpless to salvage consistancy.
    We cry sweet tears until we turn bitter,
    while waiting in fear(,) for reality
    to (haunt/hunt?) us down in our sleep.
    Making poetry to us seem(s?) heaven-sent
    not because of the beauty of the prose,
    but because reality (can't, cannot?) fit
    (in) between the lines of the paper. - remove?
    (In/On?) the paper is where our hope lives and dies,
    where the brave aren't invincible,
    and reality is no more than a word.
    Where I want to live out the rest of my life
    waiting for my soul to whither from tears
    and die(,) from lack of words.

    I hope this works for you

    Take care
    | Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      well I do disagree with you, if i had read this poem and then read mine I would not think these two are the same at all, alothough they both deal with being down, and self hate, you actually talk about writing poems nowhere in mine, you also mention suicide, again not in mine at all, overall for me I did like it, the whole

    "We dream until love amputates our legs"

    really struck me a lot because I know excatly how it feels so I like that line a lot.

    I also really liked the lines

    "Known to disappoint to gain dependency,
    and become helpless to salvage consistancy."

    because it tells about the cycle of what we are going through or what we went through, to get lost in doing the same thing to get you to the same place is so hard to get out of.

    good write, loved it.


    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a really great poem, i could relate to what I got from it, though it may not be what you where trying to say. Loved the way this whole thing flowed and hope you keep on writing and posting on here.
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great. I especially liked this part:

    "People say love gives reason,
    and hate kills,
    but I am still searching for a gun with bullets.
    Only the brave outrun uncertainity.
    Us cowards only dream.
    We dream until love amputates our legs,
    and immerses our hearts in hate."

    This is the part that really hit me. I loved the idea behind it. In short, the whole poem was good. This made my day better. Thanks. Hope to hear more from you :].
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by binkerz | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my god i don't think i have ever read a poem that has hit me so hard, and i'm being completely honest with you when i say i love it. it's going on my fav. list.
    when i clicked on this i didn't expect something so in depth and i'm very glad i found it! just the way you word this is perfect and i know this sounds corny but it speaks to my soul. thanks for sharing and keep it up!
    -the wildchild
    | Posted on 2005-05-27 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know that i like this poem more than the other one i commented with so much length. There was some decent ideas in here, it seemed pretty similar to the woe is me poetry i had written years ago; sort of unaware of approach and depth, as if everything is right there on the surface. Anyways, keep writing and thanks for the read-i'm eager what you'll have to say about my stuff. will read all of your writes and comment
    key wester
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Key Wester | [ Reply to This ]


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