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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Viennadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katia
    ASL Info:    23/F/Europe
    Elite Ratio:    6.39 - 586/529/29
    Words: 571
    Class/Type: Story/Happy
    Total Views: 1602
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3245



    Description:
       Its the little things that stay with us...

    All suggestions/edits/etc are much appreciated, as this was pretty spontaneous and needs a viewing by someone other than me...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsViennadots
    -------------------------------------------


    The streets of Vienna were used to children. The cobbled stones enjoyed echoing little footsteps and excited giggles; the lights secretly glowed a bit brighter with every little handprint on the lamppost; the windows looked on and reflected eager faces and sunny smiles. At night, they all talked about the boys and girls they saw during the day, and complained a little at the luck of the toy machines on the streets – they, after all, could make the children smile and laugh with just one turn of a little handle.

    The toy machines were very pleased with themselves, but never admitted it – they understood that it’s not really nice, drawing attention to your abilities. They were full of different toys - rings and bracelets and bouncing balls and cars... They spoke the universal language of children and understood kindness. They were gift machines, after all.

    One sunny, summery morning, the toy machines were warming to the day, waiting for the children to come by, and passing time talking to the pigeons that walked past. The echo of footsteps reached them, and they recognised the light step of a 6 year old. Minutes later, they heard voices – a little girl was definitely heading their way, and the machines with the rings and bracelets prepared to pick a pretty gift for the child.

    The little girl ran up and down the street, laughing and talking to her parents, who strolled behind her. She stopped by every house, looked in all the shops, scared away a few pigeons and only then noticed the strange looking machines on the sidewalk. Ever the curious one, she came a little closer and saw the metal and glass boxes…full of toys! She stopped by the ones with rings and candy…went right past the one with cars, and almost went back to the rings – but then she saw the very last machine, full of strange looking balls…they looked like little planets, just like the one she and her parents and lots of other people lived on. She knew what her planet looked like, because she read about it in her books – and this was indeed her planet. Lots of planets – that looked like they could bounce!

    The streets and windows and toy machines of Vienna could not speak the girl’s language – but they understood everything she said, for her face spoke the universal language of children. Her eyes sang as she looked up to her Mommy, and her hands tugged on her Daddy’s sleeve. Her heart was already inside this strange device on the sidewalk, with the bouncing worlds that fit perfectly into the sweaty, sticky, smudged palm of every 6 year old.

    Vienna watched the little girl refuse to accept the ‘Not now, honey’ – to her, every ‘honey’ was a cue to ask one more time, just a little louder. Her mother blushed slightly, as she knelt down, taking her little girl by the hands and whispering in her ear. They didn’t notice the woman that stopped next to them until she tapped the little girl on the shoulder and smiled.

    She held a bouncing world in her hands.

    And it didn’t matter that they were strangers to one another, from different countries. The language of kindness is, after all, universal.








    Submitted on 2005-05-27 20:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very much a story exploring perception and perspective. With 'self-less-ness' and humanity at the core. Wonderful imagery..what's more universally revered as pure-innocent-beautiful...than an imaginitive young child..so full of life and possibility..and who could possibly be more deserving of a selfless act of kindness.

    I can't decide which i like best..the beautiful world in your eyes..or the bouncing world in your hands.

    kc
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      This gives new meaning to the word kindness! I Love the way you make us feel about Vienna and children all around the world. When you think about it there still are people left in the world who think of others before there self. Thank for the read it was very entertaining.
    | Posted on 2005-08-20 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really nice Katia. One of those easy to read pieces that just makes me smile.

    I particularly liked
    " She stopped by the ones with rings and candy…went right past the one with cars, and almost went back to the rings – but then she saw the very last machine, full of strange looking balls…they looked like little planets, just like the one she and her parents and lots of other people lived on."

    This sounds so much like Micah. I want this, no that, no this, no that. But once he really decides, there's no swaying his thoughts.

    Great job,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      what a sweet little story to wake myself up with this morning, and what a sweet moral. this piece just oozes happiness, love, patience, and kindness...that of which is so dang rare nowadays...this is a lovely reminder.
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwww...Katia...this was so cute :)
    I adore it... I love stories/poems about children, and this was such a delight to read, so light hearted and fun, the 'toy machines' are so cute, I wanna 'bouncing world'!

    *stomps foot and pouts*

    I loved how your words evoke all these fairytale like images, little hands on lamp posts, and especially the line,
    'the windows looked on and reflected eager faces and sunny smiles' so cute..

    And the proud pompous toy machines-hahah! I love it! I think there is a slight mistake with this line,
    'and came almost went back to the rings'
    is it just supposed to be
    'and almost went back to the rings' ?

    I like how the first paragraphs give this sense of the universal language of children, understood more so by these toy machines, and shops than their own parents, and then it ends with the universality of kindness!

    As in its not only restricted to toys and 'not real' things, also people.

    If this is your spontaneous work...
    *awed look comes over face*
    keep being spontaneous!

    thanks for the read as always,
    alexis
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      Great stuff, darling, simply wonderful. How can you criticize such sentiments?

    The story flowed along nicley, the only thing I could even venture forth is the lady at the end...maybe the girl could be walking away disappointed with her parents when the lady catches up to them with the ball...

    Just a thought, there's nothing wrong with your version.

    I loved it

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a story that calms my day, heartwarming, innocent, sweet and morally uplifting.
    There is no twist, no ravaging thrills, no profanity, no juggling thoughts, but brilliantly well structured original story. Simple, yet touches anyone’s heart – well for me, it did.

    The “bouncing world in her hands” is heavy imagery and worthy that is written in one line. I like the ending, too – how happy thoughts applied to geography and the beauty of writing can do to the world, interpreted so smoothly.

    Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed reading your piece. BTW, I like the title, too.
    Cheers!
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by eminvisible | [ Reply to This ]
      I got quite a nostalgic feeling upon reading this story. You paint, quite wonderfully, the reaction of a child who sees something "magical" for the first time, like a toy machine :) A lot of short stories that end up posted here are too drawn out and not interesting enough to read through, but this one flows perfectly :) Happy I stopped by to read this :) I can't really offer anything on how to improve, everything seemed to fit where it needed to:) Oh, and for some reason, this reminded me of a story I heard on the news about a little boy who somehow got stuck in a toy machine at Walmart :P :P :P <shrug> must just be my demented mind at work :)...
    anyways, good,great,job :)

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      This is almost like a hallmark commercial/card, it's sweet and touching. I enjoyed this story type piece, where as I'm used to reading mostly poetry, this is the first story I'm commenting on, but I really liked it, it kept my attention through the whole thing, and it made me smile at the end. Keep up the good work.

    Again, I really enjoyed this piece, and I hope to read more from you ;)

    *hugs a plenty*

    ~Avry~
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh how sweet. I didn't know that you wrote short stories. I can't really pull those off. Yet, haven't put my mind to it either.

    You show pure talent in all that you do whether it be poetry, or these stories. You touched my heart with this one. It was full of expression and really pulled me in!

    Keep it up girl!

    Li Li

    P.S.-Still waiting for your icon to show your toes! LMFAO
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      "They were full of different toys - rings and bracelets and bouncing balls and cars, spoke the universal language of children and understood kindness."

    I think that could be re-worded a little, the comma before spoke throws off the intended purpose for that line I think, maybe I am just reading it wrong.

    "just like the one she and her parents and lots of other people lived on. She knew what her planet looked like, because she read about it in her books – and this was indeed her planet."

    Not to be critical please don't take this like in any negative way I am only offering what might be of help but I am not so sure a 6 year old would have read books about Earth, lol. Maybe I was just behind the curve when I was a kid but I had no clue what a planet was :-)

    Thats about all the citiquing I could find, hope it helped... :/

    As for the story itself I liked it, it was a god short story, thending was by far my favorite. From the story it sems that you like kids which is cool I love kids, they are so much fun. I am studying Youth Ministry next year so that Ic an work with the youth forever! lol So I enjoyed that part of the story, and the toys were cool how you used personification to create characters from them, I liked that. Nothing beats the ending though, great way to close it :-)

    Take Care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn it, that one made me tear up. This is just lovely, absolutely lovely.
    I wish more people could understand just a small amount of kindess goes so very far.
    Has Chell told you of our "40th" trip? Vienna will have to be on the itinerary. (lord, I hope I spelled that right!)
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]


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