[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Too Opened up (pt1)dots

    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 391
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2329

       Tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsToo Opened up (pt1)dots

    She was popular, quiet, and shy
    Stayed in her books and never told lies
    She was like an angel
    He was popular and smart but hated school
    Being bad to him was really cool
    He was like a rebel
    One day he sees her walking by
    And pulls her to the side to say hi
    A relationship at a start
    He is deeply interested in the girl who's nice
    He won't mind asking her out twice
    She has captured his heart
    She can't say no to this cute boy
    Maybe he can bring her happiness or joy
    She now has a boyfriend
    He takes her places he buys her food
    She always tries to get him into a happy mood
    This relationship should have a happy end
    He teaches her bad things that her mind has lacked
    She teaches him to focus and stay on track
    There may be a real connection
    His kisses make her feel like his treaure
    The sex he gives her brings her pleasure
    Anyone can see thier affection
    One day she goes to his house at night
    And sees his friends trying to fight
    They want to watch something
    Her man says "Well its something you would hate"
    She says"I still want to watch the tape"
    This tape has more than boring nothing
    As she watches the video she can see them having sex and her moaning his name
    Now all she can feel is ashamed
    But the story does'nt end for this scholar
    He asks his friends now that they know
    Where is the money that they owe
    His 4 friends each pull out $10 dollars
    His friends say that he was right
    He could get in those panies everynight
    Now tears roll down her face
    She looks to him and waits for him to explain
    But he is laughing with his friends as she is in pain
    She really feels out of place
    She leaves upset and slams the door
    She can't believe him.She does'nt love him anymore
    Now she is trying to move on
    But now his guilt is eating at him
    Without her his life seems dim
    He has made a big mistake
    He tries to sincerely apologize
    But this does't dry the tears in her eyes
    This is the price he decided to take

    Submitted on 2005-05-28 01:54:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i want to reply but im at a lack of words
    the sad part of it is i can relate ive been threw a real simulare case but a little worse i would most deffently love to read more of this one since i noticed it was a part 1 would you mind writting me and telling me when the next one comes out?
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Trust, betrayal, bets, it's the same story told a million times, but you described it in a new way and I liked it. Great write. It needs a little more flow, though, or maybe it's just a little too simple for me, I dont know. Other then that, its a good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by Mia | [ Reply to This ]
      trust huh?? big issue in relationships. you have written other poems that i like more than this. but i like this one coz it shows how pig headed guys can be at times, and how they regret lossing that person who really cared. But she needs to realise every1 makes mistakes even though it was wrong he has learnt a lesson from it and i dont think he'd do it again
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by Natie | [ Reply to This ]
      . . . i reading, i'm liking and i'm damn well hoping this ain't true! don't get me wrong i looooove the male species but must they be scu PRICS at times . . .you know that this guy doesn't deserve your time and attention and most of all your love.
    Personal q? :if this the guy that you wrote your journal entry about?
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      omg this made me sooo mad at the entire male population .. puhlease tell me this isnt related to you at all and it just came to your midn ... cuz not even knowing you i would kick all of their asses...theres just somethign about what happens in the bedroom between you and someone you love thatcant and shouldnt be shared .
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]