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    dots Submission Name: Off to the Everlasting Skydots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1217

       This poem's about a mother bird teaching its little one how to fly. In this sense, though, I compared it to the way my mom taught me how to fly throughout the years, although I kept struggling. This is a way of expressing my gratitude to her for everything she's done. Happy Birthday, Mom :D!

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    dotsOff to the Everlasting Skydots

    Exhausted, run-down,
    burning with beaten anxiety,
    The small, blue robin

         can't sing
         can't dance
         can't fly

    Without hope from its mother;
    Chanting and lecturing,

         and waiting.

    Furiously flapping
    those butterfly wings,
    trying and trying,
    but falling as such.
    But without doubt,

         the mother stands watching,
         coaching and singing,
         and flying for an example.

    The robin tries again,
    ready to fly,
    running off the branch
    of the sycamore tree.

    And with no fear,
    and a perfect descent,
    flapping those - now eagle - wings,
    The small, blue robbin flies
    with its guardian;

    Off to the everlasting sky.

    Submitted on 2005-05-28 01:58:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds beautiful. I think it's a sweet way to say happy birthday to your mother.
    It's very straightforward, which I usually don't like, but you've got some nice imagery ("butterfly wings" makes me imagine how delicate and new the robin is, and "burning with beaten anxiety" is something I can feel). You've really captured how moms won't give up on their kids... it's great.
    Sorry there aren't any real criticisms. I'd say try to make it more elusive, but on this piece it'd be kind of stupid... Um yeah. sorry for lack of criticisms.
    | Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]

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