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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wasteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 301



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWasteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Man I can't see
    can you see me
    I feel invisible
    I am in the center of everything
    and you can't get me here

    I am on this high
    Dude I am afraid of it up here
    Up here where you can't get me
    And I swear I am gonna be gone soon




    Submitted on 2005-05-29 01:37:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was good but i thought it could be more discipted and longer the poem was original like samyalone said.the flow wasn't there i didn't feel it at all.well i don't know what else to say hope to hear from u and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it and thought the idea waas an original one, the only thing is the flow was a little off, but nothing much else, good work
    *Samy*
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by samyalone | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good, but I agree with seven11. It needs something more to it. I like it still. Maybe if you work on it a little bit it will come out a little better. Don't get me wrong please. It's good, but needs more detail.
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this made me think quite a bit. It's so short but so deeply moving. It had a modern, more "conversational" feel (kind of like an emotion-filled rant.)
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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