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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Moon Calls As I Praydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 2088
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1030



    Description:
       Ecstatic love with the universe.
    I prefer to let most of my poems stand on their own. This one is somewhat different, and therefore requires a little more set up.

    This is a metaphor for mysticism

    St John of the Cross emerged from his Dark Night of the Soul proclaiming "God made love to me"

    This is about moving from scripted obligations (daily prayers) into the experience of Divine love. All that exists offers us a rapturous encounter with the essence of divinity.

    The beloved is a term used for God, The Divine, The Universe, and most forms that it/he/she has taken through history.

    However, feel free to simply enjoy it for the sense of passion it portrays.

    You may find it has more meaning when read aloud, especially if you increase the reading speed and intensity as the poem progresses.

    Enjoy!

    A video version is available on YouTube


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Moon Calls As I Praydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Passion is persistently pressing
    to close off the day.
    The moon calls as I pray.
    There is no respect for my diligence.
    My beloved comes in many forms.
    Tonight she is a seductress demanding surrender.
    I require no provocation.
    She is swelled to fullness,
    prepared even before I enter her presence.
    Her touch awakens the scent of readiness.
    It is the aroma of a night blooming garden.
    The air fills with delicious desire.
    I sway to breath's rhythm.
    Then we dance to the beat of my heart.
    Waves of warmth wash me
    as she pulls close and whispers.
    The burning boils my blood
    and scalds my soul.
    She directs me to mount dreams
    and ride the pulsing of her light.
    The seduction surrounds and sequesters my senses.
    I cuddle closer,
    exploring the secrets hidden in her form
    until she explodes in liquid brilliance.

    Then I rest in love.




    Submitted on 2005-05-29 09:10:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I was looking for poems about the moon tonight, the Full Cold Moon, or Moon before Yule, and here it is, --just a beautiful example of the melding of the physical with the divine.

    I hadn't anything to offer in the way of constructive thoughts however, so I re-read again--and again and came up with the idea of eliminating a few filler words, --like the, and, as a , etc.
    Here, I italicized the lines where I thought this approach might work,---(I have found when I look back at an older piece, small things like this come to the front wheras in the heat of creation, they escaped my attention.)

    Passion persistently presses
    to close off the day.
    Lady moon calls as I pray.
    There is no respect for my diligence.
    My beloved comes in many forms.
    Tonight,–a seductress demanding surrender.
    I require no provocation.
    She is swelled to fullness,
    prepared even before I enter her presence.
    Her touch awakens the scent of readiness,
    the aroma of a night blooming garden.
    The air fills with delicious desire.
    I sway to breath's rhythm.
    Then we dance to the beat of my heart.
    Waves of warmth wash me
    as she pulls close and whispers.
    Passion’s burning boils my blood
    and scalds my soul.
    She directs me to mount dreams
    and ride the pulsing of her light.
    Seduction surrounds and sequesters my senses.
    I cuddle closer,
    exploring the secrets hidden in her form
    until she explodes in liquid brilliance.

    Then I rest in love.


    I liked the alliteration in the first line and througout, especially the sibilance in "Seduction surrounds and sequesters my senses. " It sounds like a whisssper, or a stream wending through the night,-or wind in willows,--whatever, it is very sensuous and comforting.The sensuality and sexual tension builds beautifully to ecstasy, and then we have this hushed whispered diminuendo ---wonderful.


    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      (Thinking: This poem is clearly brilliant! I love how passion is expressed here, very cleverly worded. It has a magical obscurity to it, but suspiciously so easy to relate to. And for something that is a metaphor for mysticism! How in the world does she do it?ü)

    I am speechless. Except to say that this is definitely going into my favorites! Looking forward to more of your work.

    ^shatila
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      well, definetly interesting and i have nothing more to say then what was in all the other comments...it was very nice...i have one question for this very intelligent write...was God reffered to as she? if so...why?
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello Chrystine, I decided to read your featured work and was glad I did. I consider myself to be a 'Devotee of the Creator' and I understand and accept that He/She comes in many guises and is the souce of all things. Sharing a senual experience is quite possible because the Lord is experience 'all' things at all times through us. You captured a rare yet very real aspect of being and did it quite well. Dan
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      I am begining to think that you are the mistress ( is that the right word? ) of sensual , passonate poetry... anyway you have certainly mastered the art. This poem is faultless...as so many others have said before me
    Bravo! First class!
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully written and worded...this is very seductive and i love the felings that this piece brings about...awsome!...there is not much more i can find to say and definitely nothing i would suggest to fix or change...the middle part being my fav...

    Tonight she is a seductress demanding surrender.
    I require no provocation.
    She is swelled to fullness,
    prepared even before I enter her presence.
    Her touch awakens the scent of readiness.
    It is the aroma of a night blooming garden.
    The air fills with delicious desire.
    I sway to breath's rhythm.
    Then we dance to the beat of my heart.

    V.Beautiful!
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. At the end, the line -
    'until she explodes in liquid brilliance.'
    - honestly made me see the moon just ELODE from behind a cloud. It was such a powerful ending.
    You have so much alliteration in this piece, it was overflowing.... but that is a good thing.

    You've got so many comments, I just wanted to stop by and read some more of your pieces. And to say that I really enjoyed this one. In fact, I think I might just fav this one.

    Cheers,
    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice, somewhat erotic poem. at least that's what it made me think of but then I need little help in that area! sometimes my mind is always there. I thought it magical too and full of great images. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, well first off the beginning explanation set this poem up to be great... no matter how it was written. But as i read it i find in it , like you Metaphore Whore poem, a brilliant flow of rhyming and alliteration... As long as i've been on this site i've yet to come upon someone that alliterates as well as you...

    Passion persistently pressing
    seductress surrender
    delicious desire
    Waves warmth wash
    burning boils blood
    seduction surrounds sequesters senses

    Though they are all wonderful in their own right, together they give your poem a beautiful feel... it allows us readers to give into the seduction of this piece... I'm going to make this beautiful piece of art a favorite... Thank you my friend, it's always a pleasure to read your work... Take care, and don't let poisonous things bite...

    Travisimo
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it is interesting, seems very sexual. I did enjoy its flow and vibe. Great descriptors! When I read it, it was like reading about someones first sexual experience. The exploration of the body and soul. I have mixed feelings about it...
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by cre | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this, as I feel the ecstacy of your your mysticism, it makes me long for the peace I find loving the Divine, and no one else. I question could the matter of the heart maifest themselves in our lives, an we still maintain the intensity of Divine love/ only if our partner seems to understand. But most loving i have become being immersed in the grand bliss of the Goddess of the love of the Christ. The artful peace of the muses surround, this is beautiful, I wish I had written it.
    much love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, what can I say about this one?! I think I can say it is different, absolutely different and that itself is success! When you write something different then it should be a kind of success as you wrote something that is different than all what others write!

    This poem is different in everything, the topic, the idea, the presentation and even the description!

    The topic is different as I have never read something like this before! And I haven't read anything talking about "mysticism" and that is why the subject is different (At least to me), and then the idea and the presentation were innovative and not usual at all, also the description which was necessary in such poem -in my point of view- was very well written and very very useful for the readers so that they can understand the poem well and read it with prior knowledge!

    The poem itself is well written with no spelling mistakes (I didn't find any), and that is a very good point!

    I liked the part that says;

    "The moon calls as I pray.
    There is no respect for my diligence.
    My beloved comes in many forms.
    Tonight she is a seductress demanding surrender.
    I require no provocation. "

    I think since the subject is totally new to me so I can admit that even with your description I did find it hard to understand! But may be that is just me!

    Anyway, I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is magical, intense, and passionate. It made me grow warm as I read it, filling my soul with yearning. It might be a good Idea to do a bit of paragraphing., simply because its hard not to lose your place. Espically when like me, you don't have the best eye sight in the world. Its sort of a strain to read it as it is. It simply looks cramped. But other than that, its perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      this is just gorgeous. it kind of reminds me of something out of Song of Songs, which is really a love poem for God. i adore St. John of the Cross and am a bigfan of mysticism. i can't say much other than i just loved this and will tuck it away in my faves for further reading.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful Chrystine, in many ways.
    I love how you express sheer joy and passion about being alive, and the universe, and 'beloved' I feel like you are the kind of person who sometimes stops to take a deep breath of air, just to savour the act of breathing.

    This passion for life, for the universe, for God, becomes like making love in this poem, making love to the world, to God, giving and receiving love in a state of passion.

    I like how this started, the alliteration-
    'passion is persistently pressing' love it.
    and how it seems to get more intense and passionate with every line,
    love the descriptions, until
    'she explodes in liquid brilliance'

    I love it, so clever.
    thanks for the inspiring and magical read,
    alexis.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a phenominal write, you have conquered your attempt. I loved every word and the alliteration was perfectly timed. I too am a follower of Christ, I plan to study 'Youth Ministry' in college, but never before i have heard this phrase, "God made love to me" and I will be honest, I do not understand this. It does not sit right with me. So I took your poem as poetry alone , for I do not understand to take it as anything more. I do hope that you might explain this to me more I am very interested to find out what it is you have come to believe about such things. Wonderful write.

    Take care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    60798

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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