[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Homecomingdots

    Author: Astarael
    ASL Info:    19/Girl/Baltimore
    Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 87/102/38
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1090
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2181

       Sometimes our dreams lead us to the places where we feel at home. Maybe one day we will return to those places.

    I might do more with this. Maybe write another part. I have more dreamworlds than the sea.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    My psyche's swiftly fleeting
    To a place I knew before
    Where a hopeful girl sits waiting
    To open up the door.

    Her arms are decked with flowers.
    There are roses in her hair.
    Those large eyes speak of moonlight
    And skin so soft and fair.

    She leads me to a chamber
    And bids me step inside
    Through an open portal
    To feel the ocean's tide.

    I look up from the archway
    Into the starry night.
    The balmy seaside breezes
    Carry music warm and bright.

    The moon is softly shining
    As the waves caress the shore
    And tiny starfish dancing
    Upon the ocean floor.

    The young girl still remains
    With pearls and milk for skin
    And with naught a warning
    Takes my hand and pulls me in.

    The flowers have turned to seaweed.
    Her legs bejeweled with scales
    That glitter from her waist
    To feet that form a tail.

    She pulls me to a palace
    In the great depths of the sea
    Made from polished marble
    Of a branching coral tree.

    Jellyfish glow on rooftops
    Streaming into night
    Surrounding this great palace
    With orbs of golden light.

    Small fish dart through windows
    Lined with rows of pearls
    Wearing a rosebud smile,
    I look to this little girl.

    Suddenly transforming,
    We are on the sandy beach,
    The inky dark of night
    Gives way to sunrise peach.

    Like multicolored silks
    Whipping past the sun and sky
    A million stars fall crashing
    On sheets of crystal ice.

    The wind begins to pull me
    And my feet lift from the sand.
    I fear it's time to let go
    Of this young girl's hand.

    Her smile fades to sunrise
    As the portal draws me in.
    Her features fall away
    Into a dusky din.

    I awaken into darkness
    And open up my eyes
    Round my neck a strand of pearls
    Dreams are more than we realize.

    Submitted on 2005-05-29 10:33:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I was just... wandering arouns ES trying to find something worth my time (if that sounds arrogant, oh well... there's a lot of [censored] out here and some of it's mine, too) and then I saw this on someone's favorite list and had to be nosy.

    That's how I found this. How I am leaving it is a different story, because...

    This is very good, the best I've seen on here for a while (not that I've been around lately) and I'll tell you why.

    Fantasy is always a plus, I love to see people write fantasy/dream stuff.
    You only write fantasy/dream, if you can work very well with imagery. I tend to ignore imagery and work on feelings, so I can't write this. You gave very good visuals consistently (is that a word?) the whole way thru, from top to bottom.
    I don't like long poetry, it bores me and makes me sick. I sat here and read the whole thing from top to bottom... it held my interest, and I think I felt BETTER after reading it, imagine that.

    My absolute favorite part is this right here.

    'With pearls and milk for skin'

    Milk and pearls? I can FEEL it on my own skin... how smooth and cool it is.

    Gush gush gush, you wrote the cutest thing, I love it.

    Complains? Shoot. The rhyme scheme did send me tripping a little bit. For example,

    'The flowers have turned to seaweed.
    Her legs bejeweled with scales
    Glittering from her waist
    To feet joined to form a tail.'

    Those last two lines are... interesting. If you go back to work on the rhyme scheme, change it according to what makes YOU feel it reads smoother. My advice is kind of pointless and stupid (I hate rhyming, that makes me sick too) but maybe that could change to

    Glittering from waist
    To feet they form a tail.

    'they' being the scales.

    Oh well. Beautiful writing...

    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      i am still lost in this one... what a beautiful picture you have created here! i am seriously in awe of the beauty i have imagined throughout this whole piece! this is one of the better pieces i have read in a long time, i'd have to say it's going into my fav's. i really don't know what to say to you about his. i think it's amazing...

    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      i stumbled on a few of the rhymes, but you made the sea come alive in this, i could see brilliant colors and feel the sea.. and she left you pearls. how Divine!
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great! The imagery is incredible! It brings memories of when I was fascinated with mermaids and life under the sea. The rhyming scheme was wonderful also. Overall, this was a great write! Well done!
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Me likey. Thanks for taking me on an effortless ride through a dream.
    This was easy to read, flowed along pretty well, and had no obvious poetical errors.
    The theme was good, the story well written, and it ended nicely.
    Ya can't ask for much more than that!

    Very well done!

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i havent been active with this sight for a quite long time and, for some reason, today i decided to read some. and im glad i did. this is beautifully pieced and greatly described. the last line puts it all together. i, too, seem always happy along the shores. again, im glad i read this. definitely a fav. wonderful work and keep up the great job! take care.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by birdy5005 | [ Reply to This ]
      Danielle, I think I just fell in love with you. This is amazing, especially since when I was little, I used to want to be a mermaid. I've gotten two dead sheep awards and I decided to get on and read some poems. I'm glad this was the first poem I read.

    "Those large eyes speak of moonlight"

    i like that.

    and what I love about you is that you can write about anything. I haven't written for a long time because I only seem able to write about something when I'm upset/sad/whatever it's called. But you can write beautifully about anything.

    thanks. and i love you.
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]