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Homecoming


Author: Astarael
ASL Info:    19/Girl/Baltimore
Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 87 /102 /38
Words: 326
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1306
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2181



Description:


Sometimes our dreams lead us to the places where we feel at home. Maybe one day we will return to those places.

I might do more with this. Maybe write another part. I have more dreamworlds than the sea.


Homecoming



My psyche's swiftly fleeting
To a place I knew before
Where a hopeful girl sits waiting
To open up the door.

Her arms are decked with flowers.
There are roses in her hair.
Those large eyes speak of moonlight
And skin so soft and fair.

She leads me to a chamber
And bids me step inside
Through an open portal
To feel the ocean's tide.

I look up from the archway
Into the starry night.
The balmy seaside breezes
Carry music warm and bright.

The moon is softly shining
As the waves caress the shore
And tiny starfish dancing
Upon the ocean floor.

The young girl still remains
With pearls and milk for skin
And with naught a warning
Takes my hand and pulls me in.

The flowers have turned to seaweed.
Her legs bejeweled with scales
That glitter from her waist
To feet that form a tail.

She pulls me to a palace
In the great depths of the sea
Made from polished marble
Of a branching coral tree.

Jellyfish glow on rooftops
Streaming into night
Surrounding this great palace
With orbs of golden light.

Small fish dart through windows
Lined with rows of pearls
Wearing a rosebud smile,
I look to this little girl.

Suddenly transforming,
We are on the sandy beach,
The inky dark of night
Gives way to sunrise peach.

Like multicolored silks
Whipping past the sun and sky
A million stars fall crashing
On sheets of crystal ice.

The wind begins to pull me
And my feet lift from the sand.
I fear it's time to let go
Of this young girl's hand.

Her smile fades to sunrise
As the portal draws me in.
Her features fall away
Into a dusky din.

I awaken into darkness
And open up my eyes
Round my neck a strand of pearls
Dreams are more than we realize.




Submitted on 2005-05-29 10:33:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Damn.

I was just... wandering arouns ES trying to find something worth my time (if that sounds arrogant, oh well... there's a lot of [censored] out here and some of it's mine, too) and then I saw this on someone's favorite list and had to be nosy.

That's how I found this. How I am leaving it is a different story, because...

This is very good, the best I've seen on here for a while (not that I've been around lately) and I'll tell you why.

Fantasy is always a plus, I love to see people write fantasy/dream stuff.
You only write fantasy/dream, if you can work very well with imagery. I tend to ignore imagery and work on feelings, so I can't write this. You gave very good visuals consistently (is that a word?) the whole way thru, from top to bottom.
I don't like long poetry, it bores me and makes me sick. I sat here and read the whole thing from top to bottom... it held my interest, and I think I felt BETTER after reading it, imagine that.

My absolute favorite part is this right here.

'With pearls and milk for skin'

Milk and pearls? I can FEEL it on my own skin... how smooth and cool it is.

Gush gush gush, you wrote the cutest thing, I love it.

Complains? Shoot. The rhyme scheme did send me tripping a little bit. For example,

'The flowers have turned to seaweed.
Her legs bejeweled with scales
Glittering from her waist
To feet joined to form a tail.'

Those last two lines are... interesting. If you go back to work on the rhyme scheme, change it according to what makes YOU feel it reads smoother. My advice is kind of pointless and stupid (I hate rhyming, that makes me sick too) but maybe that could change to

Glittering from waist
To feet they form a tail.

'they' being the scales.

Oh well. Beautiful writing...

~Akhi~
| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
  i am still lost in this one... what a beautiful picture you have created here! i am seriously in awe of the beauty i have imagined throughout this whole piece! this is one of the better pieces i have read in a long time, i'd have to say it's going into my fav's. i really don't know what to say to you about his. i think it's amazing...

Jennifer
| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  i stumbled on a few of the rhymes, but you made the sea come alive in this, i could see brilliant colors and feel the sea.. and she left you pearls. how Divine!
!Cat
| Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  This is great! The imagery is incredible! It brings memories of when I was fascinated with mermaids and life under the sea. The rhyming scheme was wonderful also. Overall, this was a great write! Well done!
| Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  Me likey. Thanks for taking me on an effortless ride through a dream.
This was easy to read, flowed along pretty well, and had no obvious poetical errors.
The theme was good, the story well written, and it ended nicely.
Ya can't ask for much more than that!

Very well done!

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  i havent been active with this sight for a quite long time and, for some reason, today i decided to read some. and im glad i did. this is beautifully pieced and greatly described. the last line puts it all together. i, too, seem always happy along the shores. again, im glad i read this. definitely a fav. wonderful work and keep up the great job! take care.
-birdy
| Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by birdy5005 | [ Reply to This ]
  Danielle, I think I just fell in love with you. This is amazing, especially since when I was little, I used to want to be a mermaid. I've gotten two dead sheep awards and I decided to get on and read some poems. I'm glad this was the first poem I read.

"Those large eyes speak of moonlight"

i like that.

and what I love about you is that you can write about anything. I haven't written for a long time because I only seem able to write about something when I'm upset/sad/whatever it's called. But you can write beautifully about anything.

thanks. and i love you.
-danielle
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]


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