Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Word World Disappearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 808
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802



    Description:
       This might not be all that original, but I'm just happy to be writing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Word World Disappearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The page enlarged and animated itself. I began walking on it as letters became vast; o's became portholes. Ever curious, I looked into them one by one.
    I stuck my pen into one to make sure it wouldn't stick, but it fell through. It was caught by a teddy bear in a massive rocking chair who used it to write the most perfect sonnet that ever graced my eyes, but it evaporated from both page and mind as soon as his hand stopped. He passed my instrument back with a trembling hand and weeping eyes. I wanted to join him and give him a hug, yet the periods became vortices, and just in time, as the page was sucked into infinity, I jumped through the nearest o. My eyes were almost disappointed to see my dull world, my bland house, but they were happy to see your handsome face.




    Submitted on 2005-05-29 20:17:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Originality isn't everything, and the peice was wonderful. I could see the imagry happening to what you had put up on screen to the words, the way the next line is filled with o's after we're told they become portholes works so wonderfully, and the juxtaposing of such sinister imagry of portholes and darkness [iconography of the unknown, which most fear] with the sonnet writing bear. Wonderful... I don't really know what else to say, 100% praise! Well done! hard to get from me!
    ~ Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]
      I wonder what's the teddy bear's secret? Why was he weeping? That'd make a good story.
    Love your work!
    I'm supposed to have more comments in order to be able to post this...so...
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      I preferred the "prose" form of this piece. I think that this is an amazing entry. It is so entrancing. It make me want to descend into my own fantasy world. This piece reminds me of that song "Imaginary" by Evanescence. Have you heard it? One of the lines in that songs says, "I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge: the nightmare- I've built my own world to escape." Anyways, great work, my friend.

    Bijou
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That's really neat. I like the idea of having such a great fantasy world. Jumping into those O's sounds fun. I like that the sonnet disappeared from your mind and sight after the teddy bear stopped writing it. Sort of like the memories that you forget. Then someone tells you about it and it's wonderful. That's a cool idea. :) I like the prose part the best I think. I don't know, it's cool to see them both like that. " I stuck in my pen into " Does that need the "in" in there? When I read it without it, it flowed better. Great piece though. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,great poem.I don't want to bs around or anything,but I really did think it was good.I liked how you described everything and I was watching it in my head while I was raeding.Great and I wouldn't change a thing.Please don't delete it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-29 00:00:00 | by ColdinSummer | [ Reply to This ]
      It's like an Alice in wonderland where the mirror's actually the writing, isn't it? This one's quite a little chef d'oeuvre of the imagination...O's becoming portholes? Whoever else could have ideas like that, really.
    Really nice mixture of positive and not so positive emotions in the end of the poem as well.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    60841

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry