Description: This is in response to a challenge from borderlinetears. We wanted to write something with the same title, and I was listening to Wilco, so she I told her we could use on of their titles, and she picked "Someone Else's Song."
Someone Else's Song -------------------------------------------
I saw you yesterday
in a car;
the windows were down,
and you were singing with the stereo.
With me, you were a rocker,
but you were mumbling Enya
(You didn't know the words)
in someone else's Volvo
(I guess your Mustang is in the shop).
It ripped me apart
to hear you
not because i still love you
(though i do),
but i know now
that i never knew you,
or she's changed you into someone I'll never know,
but our song still plays
on an endless loop in my head,
and you can join in whenever you want.
this was very simple, but powerfully stated! i think what does it for me, is that it is so relatable. i couldnt help but put myself into the piece, and think this is EXACTLY how i would feel had this happened to me...
i have never read anything of yours before, and im glad i did!
This is a fantastic write, I say this because being unable to do anything without music, I know how it ties into events passed, and people long since gone, in our lives.
Like the song "I'll catch you" by the get up kids. Whenever I hear it, I am brought back to memories of my"First true Love" and for a time when my eyes are closed its as if I were still 17 and laying on my couch with her. There is a sort of pain b/c of it, as if my mind starts thinking that was such awonderful time and its gone, never to return and well you can't be 17 again, and so on.
I think this is a good show of how there are certain ties between people that really can't be broken. I am a believer that though relationships end and we as human being ultimatley move on, there are always bits of eachother that never truly fade away, and for that I at least am greatful.
I really do like this. It is something when you have "the song" with someone and when you break up you'll see them singing totally different music than what he was into. It's just weird and creeps me out to think of it. Great piece. I really enjoyed it. *Hugs* Definitely a favorite. -blt ;)
I've read this several times now. I really really like it. There are a couple of places that I will point out to you just in case you maybe missed them. More likely you are aware of them and want it this way and that is more than fine by me.
Of all people to talk about punctuation, here I am. And I will still not suggest it, but only point out where I hesitated and read a line over. I know I write with these glitches all the time, but you rarely do (and maybe it's just me being stupid anyway).
and you were singing with the stereo; with me you were a rocker but you were mumbling enya
k...pretty obvious what you meant by all this but when I first read it I read it like
and you were singing with the stereo with me, you were a rocker but you were mumbling enya
which is clearly not your intention...so, I don't like the semicolon either so I would suggest either an em dash or (and I prefer the or) break it off and start another stanza. I know you tend to write pieces of this length in block form, and there is almost never a reason with your stuff to do otherwise, but there it is. IT works fine regardless and I am probably sounding like a nitpicking idiot who can't read...
ok - super nitpick (from idiot) number two -
to hear you not because i still love you (but i do) but i know now that i never knew you
there is a lot of repetition here, with the you's and the but's...I really like the sound of it all though with the you's, so I guess my issue would be with the but's. I think it could easily be cleared up by replacing the first but with though, and by doing so you would make that segment sound even better...just listen to how cool this sounds -
to hear you not because i still love you (though i do) but i know now that i never knew you
you get the though/know and do/knew/you thing...really super cool sounding
so anyway, not sure what has gotten into me. I love the piece and could have easily left it alone but these are the two things that stuck out with me as being choices worthy of debate. I couldn't imagine changing anything else about this piece.
Isn't it fun to have the title picked out for you and have to force your imagination in a particular direction? Two of my favorite things I've written came that way (the box in brooklyn and My Secret Genius). I've also written one kinda crappy one that way, so it's no sure thing, but for someone like yourself I bet it just unlocks so many doors.
Excellent work! I read BT's first, so had to have a peek...mmm...I think you won by a nose...Great finish! Nicely done with the asides thrown into the reality of the scene you describe, and very, very believable!
I am gonna have to agree this was great. It such a pain to see a ex lover with somebody else...and to see how that somebody else has changed them. As I was reading this I was pictureing the scene and I could fel it.
Great write. now I am off to the other one. ~shawn
wow! why has no one commented on this? well, I'm sure they will. it's excellent. I love it. reminds me of me I guess or some guy I know or something. it's so full of all these feelings that women have about guys and how it feels to see them with someone else; like they are another person altogether. one of your best writes, definitely! and a favorite!
This is great Amy, where music can be layered in harmonies, words have to be overlayed to express emotion. First I like the hesitant quality of your voice here, it's not exactly longing and yet just a tad "not over" love's last trip. It's very effective! And you use the songs to describe, so the title idea fits very well. Then to see this guy has flip flopped his taste, well I can't imagine any longer being unclear about his leaving, very cool way you did this! My old lover came back as a snake, it was so precious! Great job! Cat's going to be here tomorrow night, I'm so happy she's coming. Love and hugs, Nan
i'm not so happy with the last line. could be just me who thinks that but it doesn't fit to the mood of the rest of the poem in my opinion. first you are like 'you've changed I can't believe it' and then suddenly 'but hey I still want you back'. it's a bit strange. besides that it was really good. I like the title. nice jointventure. I guess, when I have time, I have to readthe otherone from borderlinetears.
thanx for your comment on my child i appreciate your comments as you are a great witer and you seem to wite quite a few poems and get alot of comments anyway this was a good write and seems to be very deep about missing someone my child is about me and some of my expierences and i dont suffer from the syndrome ha ha thanx again sandman
im thinking this is a write everyone can identify with as music is such a HUGE part of the memory creating process... you could name any song and i'd have some kinda tie with that to a memory/person... music is powerful... a universal language...
the whole "theyre playing our song" feel of this poem is rather ironic really in that, from the sounds of it, his music taste has changed and her, being the stereotypical emotional cant let go kinda girl, still has "their" song on repeat fooling herself shes moving on but really reopening the 'i miss him, i love him, hes with someone else, the [censored]' cycle with each playing of the song...
i love the mumbling enya/didnt know the words... well you know me... i love parenthesis used well (as you always do!)
great write... really... i gotta try start writing again... gotta find some kinda stimulus or inspiration... arrrrgggghh!