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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Someone Else's Songdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 652



    Description:
       This is in response to a challenge from borderlinetears. We wanted to write something with the same title, and I was listening to Wilco, so she I told her we could use on of their titles, and she picked "Someone Else's Song."


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomeone Else's Songdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw you yesterday
    in a car;
    the windows were down,
    and you were singing with the stereo.
    With me, you were a rocker,
    but you were mumbling Enya
    (You didn't know the words)
    in someone else's Volvo
    (I guess your Mustang is in the shop).
    It ripped me apart
    to hear you
    not because i still love you
    (though i do),
    but i know now
    that i never knew you,
    or she's changed you into someone I'll never know,
    but our song still plays
    on an endless loop in my head,
    and you can join in whenever you want.




    Submitted on 2005-05-30 16:18:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW!

    this was very simple, but powerfully stated! i think what does it for me, is that it is so relatable. i couldnt help but put myself into the piece, and think this is EXACTLY how i would feel had this happened to me...

    i have never read anything of yours before, and im glad i did!

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a fantastic write, I say this because being unable to do anything without music, I know how it ties into events passed, and people long since gone, in our lives.


    Like the song "I'll catch you" by the get up kids.
    Whenever I hear it, I am brought back to memories of my"First true Love" and for a time when my eyes are closed its as if I were still 17 and laying on my couch with her. There is a sort of pain b/c of it, as if my mind starts thinking that was such awonderful time and its gone, never to return and well you can't be 17 again, and so on.

    I think this is a good show of how there are certain ties between people that really can't be broken. I am a believer that though relationships end and we as human being ultimatley move on, there are always bits of eachother that never truly fade away, and for that I at least am greatful.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      This was awesome...you have so much talent and you did really well with this...it's something that soo many people can relate to...you get into my head! This was really lovely.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I really do like this. It is something when you have "the song" with someone and when you break up you'll see them singing totally different music than what he was into. It's just weird and creeps me out to think of it. Great piece. I really enjoyed it. *Hugs* Definitely a favorite.
    -blt ;)
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like it. there's nothing i can say that hasn't been said already, so, good job! it's just a really good write, excellent work my friend.

    gwen
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read this several times now. I really really like it. There are a couple of places that I will point out to you just in case you maybe missed them. More likely you are aware of them and want it this way and that is more than fine by me.

    Of all people to talk about punctuation, here I am. And I will still not suggest it, but only point out where I hesitated and read a line over. I know I write with these glitches all the time, but you rarely do (and maybe it's just me being stupid anyway).

    and you were singing with the stereo;
    with me you were a rocker
    but you were mumbling enya

    k...pretty obvious what you meant by all this but when I first read it I read it like

    and you were singing with the stereo with me, you were a rocker but you were mumbling enya

    which is clearly not your intention...so, I don't like the semicolon either so I would suggest either an em dash or (and I prefer the or) break it off and start another stanza. I know you tend to write pieces of this length in block form, and there is almost never a reason with your stuff to do otherwise, but there it is. IT works fine regardless and I am probably sounding like a nitpicking idiot who can't read...

    ok - super nitpick (from idiot) number two -

    to hear you
    not because i still love you
    (but i do)
    but i know now
    that i never knew you

    there is a lot of repetition here, with the you's and the but's...I really like the sound of it all though with the you's, so I guess my issue would be with the but's. I think it could easily be cleared up by replacing the first but with though, and by doing so you would make that segment sound even better...just listen to how cool this sounds -

    to hear you
    not because i still love you
    (though i do)
    but i know now
    that i never knew you

    you get the though/know and do/knew/you thing...really super cool sounding

    so anyway, not sure what has gotten into me. I love the piece and could have easily left it alone but these are the two things that stuck out with me as being choices worthy of debate. I couldn't imagine changing anything else about this piece.

    Isn't it fun to have the title picked out for you and have to force your imagination in a particular direction? Two of my favorite things I've written came that way (the box in brooklyn and My Secret Genius). I've also written one kinda crappy one that way, so it's no sure thing, but for someone like yourself I bet it just unlocks so many doors.

    Great job. I felt it for sure.

    (maybe we can do one together sometime)
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent work! I read BT's first, so had to have a peek...mmm...I think you won by a nose...Great finish!
    Nicely done with the asides thrown into the reality of the scene you describe, and very, very believable!

    Well done (to both of you)

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent! This is the perfect poem for when you see your ex and you realize you dont know them. Beautifully written and great wording put together made this great to read. Great job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I am gonna have to agree this was great.
    It such a pain to see a ex lover with somebody else...and to see how that somebody else has changed them.
    As I was reading this I was pictureing the scene and I could fel it.

    Great write. now I am off to the other one.
    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      This is AMAZING! I loved this write. It couldnt be better. I have no suggestions for you. But only to keep writing. All I can really say. You did great work.

    Love from Within
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! why has no one commented on this? well, I'm sure they will. it's excellent. I love it. reminds me of me I guess or some guy I know or something. it's so full of all these feelings that women have about guys and how it feels to see them with someone else; like they are another person altogether. one of your best writes, definitely! and a favorite!
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great Amy, where music can be layered in harmonies, words have to be overlayed to express emotion. First I like the hesitant quality of your voice here, it's not exactly longing and yet just a tad "not over" love's last trip. It's very effective! And you use the songs to describe, so the title idea fits very well.
    Then to see this guy has flip flopped his taste, well I can't imagine any longer being unclear about his leaving, very cool way you did this! My old lover came back as a snake, it was so precious!
    Great job!
    Cat's going to be here tomorrow night, I'm so happy she's coming.
    Love and hugs,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not so happy with the last line. could be just me who thinks that but it doesn't fit to the mood of the rest of the poem in my opinion. first you are like 'you've changed I can't believe it' and then suddenly 'but hey I still want you back'. it's a bit strange. besides that it was really good. I like the title. nice jointventure. I guess, when I have time, I have to readthe otherone from borderlinetears.
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      thanx for your comment on my child i appreciate your comments as you are a great witer and you seem to wite quite a few poems and get alot of comments anyway this was a good write
    and seems to be very deep about missing someone my child is about me and some of my expierences and i dont suffer from the syndrome ha ha thanx again sandman
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      im thinking this is a write everyone can identify with as music is such a HUGE part of the memory creating process... you could name any song and i'd have some kinda tie with that to a memory/person... music is powerful... a universal language...

    the whole "theyre playing our song" feel of this poem is rather ironic really in that, from the sounds of it, his music taste has changed and her, being the stereotypical emotional cant let go kinda girl, still has "their" song on repeat fooling herself shes moving on but really reopening the 'i miss him, i love him, hes with someone else, the [censored]' cycle with each playing of the song...

    i love the mumbling enya/didnt know the words... well you know me... i love parenthesis used well (as you always do!)

    great write... really... i gotta try start writing again... gotta find some kinda stimulus or inspiration... arrrrgggghh!
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem made my eyes tear. i have actually had the pleasure myself in a simmilair circumstance. you can def see ur emotion when writing this. good work hun
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by laniejane | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess its pretty good.There is defintitly emotion in there.Not to mention reality.So many predicaments concerning relationship "break-ups" occur.

    I have a friend that had to "break-up" with her boyfriend.She was traumatized when she sited Him with yet another girl.It turned out that He was the biggest pervert you will achknowledge.

    Sorry about that.Just wanted to relate it to the poem.Good job on this piece.

    See 'ya,

    Sari
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by MoonlightSonata | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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