Everywhere But Never Here by WaxingPoetic

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Everywhere But Never Here dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	WaxingPoetic
ASL Info:	27 ~ Louisiana
Elite Ratio:	4.45 - 493/563/100
Words:	189

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	293
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1199

Description:
The lines in quotes are from the awesome band Brand New. Jesse Lacey is great and I just had to use these lines in my poem, they just seem to fit. Hope this is the proper credit I wuz supposed to give. This poem is just about not having the person that really makes you happy, the one you love that you see in everything around you, but you just can't be together.

Everywhere But Never Here dots

-------------------------------------------

You are an inkblot,
Stamped into my brain.
Everywhere I look,
I see your face.
Your shadow looms,
Adding your beauty to each season.
I see your smile in sunrays,
Feel their grin upon my skin.
Your face is in the clouds
That send their vapors and shapes
Across bright blue skies.
You are the sadness in my goodbyes.
I hear your laughter in the wind,
Feel your touch upon my skin.
Your voice enwraps me
In summer thunderstorms.
The love from your heart
I feel in great cracks of lightning.
I hear your sarcasm
Mixed in with my own,
Your sense of humor
Holds me close
As I laugh at inside jokes.
They play a smile upon my lips
As I dream of your soft kiss.
Your lips so honey sweet,
I can still feel your heartbeat.
I long for your touch,
I yearn for your hug.
Your strong arms embracing me
As I cry myself to sleep.
'You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins'.
You are everwhere around me,
Except where I need you;
With me.

Submitted on 2005-05-30 21:02:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Dude. This is really good. It had a nice smooth flow and rhythym. Very well done. You definatly did a good job building up to your point at the end and you were very descriptive of thoughts. Great job!
*punkrockchic629*
| Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by punkrockchic629 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, just flying by...I remember your picture and poetry I liked the use of the quote at the end....like the song has significance....There's the danger of this being cliché-bound but what I like most about it is the smooth flow of the words so that it all seemed to fit together and build....there's adoration and then the very effective use of the quote and the way the poem ends brings it all to a powerful and sad conclusion. There's a lot of promise in the way you weave your words.
| Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  First of all; the reason that made me choose to read this poem is the title that you don't even like! I did like it! I found it tempting to me, it captured my attention! I don't know why do want to change it! And I can say that I don't have a better one!

I also want to talk about your description to the poem, I think it was too too long! You didn't need to say all this! Because the first thing readers read -after the title of course- is the description and if they found it so long they might get bored and not even continue! The description is a very important tool for the writer but it should simple and to the point!

About the poem, I really liked, I really did. It was well written and the idea or the subject of it was well presented too.

The flow was smooth and didn'tseem forced at all and that is a very good thing, also the poem as a whole was emotional and that what love poem should be like! And I think that you succeeded in making me feel what you feel through the poem and that is considered a great success to any writer to let readers feel what he feels.

I also would like to talk about the images that you created, that I beleive were very good and very well written, like;

"You are the sadness in my goodbyes.
I hear your laughter in the wind,
Feel your touch upon my skin.
Your voice enwraps me
In summer thunderstorms." and;

"The love from your heart
I feel in great cracks of lightning"

And I liked the last part "the finale", that says;

"'You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins'.
You are everwhere around me,
Except where I need you;
With me."

Those were very beautiful emotional words indeed.

Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you and I'll end my comment saying Good luck.

P.S Your photo is powerful! Like they say "Eyes never lie"!
| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem threw me for a loop at the end. The powerful and vivid discriptions of your emotions or feelings for this person you write about are so real and alive that I thought that it could only be describing a current and beautiful relationship between to lovers. Yet the end makes it clear that this is more about yearning, or longing. Very nice twist. (Guess I should have read your discription first, huh? But i don't like to, though, it takes away the fun of interpreting the poem in your own way. But I've given discriptions with some of mine to though so...)

I've heard it said before taht wometimes when we've created this perfect image in our minds about a person, making them perfect and god-like, like being with them would be the most wonderful and fantastic experience in the world, that it makes it impossible for that other person to live up to the ideal image of him created in the imagination of the one longing for him. I can belive that cuz i've done that before myself. It can be true even if the object of your desire is someone you feel like you really know. When it comes to being in a relationship with him or her, alot of new characteristics can come to life, some not so preety.

But that's just me rambling on. Back to the poem

Some of my favorite moments along this jurney where:

I see your smile in sunrays,
Feel their grin upon my skin.

Your sense of humor
Holds me close
As I laugh at inside jokes.

Very well put.

Spoken
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. At first I though when reading the first few lines.. there's a dark image here... (the mind and the inkbot).. but then it kinda threw me off when you said you saw beaty and sunshine through such imprints... However, it all came toghther inthe end (holding me, while I cry myslef to sleeep). and the last few lines.. wrapped up that longing amazingly...

You are everwhere around me,
Except where I need you;
With me.
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

60940

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]