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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Lionhartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mandycandygirl
    ASL Info:    19 / F / Guam
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 13/9/3
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 906
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 890



    Description:
       This was written a while ago but i want feedback on what people think of it, it's about a boy so....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Lionhartdots
    -------------------------------------------



    With you I feel like a different person
    When left alone, together, we can accomplish a lot
    People sometimes get in the way of our happiness
    They don't understand our needs, our wants, our desires
    I have needs, I have wants, I have desires
    What I need is love, unconditional love
    What I want is a man, a smart, honest, good-for-me man
    What I desire is you, you and only you
    Sometimes I don't feel as if you want me
    Other times I don't feel as if I want you
    Most of the time I'm confused, beyond help
    This time I hope I don't make a mistake
    Mistakes lead to regrets and regrets lead to depressions
    I don't want to be depressed because I'm happy
    I'm happy because I have something with you
    And with you I feel like a diferent person




    Submitted on 2005-05-31 06:43:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, this is rather confusing...I hope that writing it down has helped you figure it all out.
    You've written a nice anthem to the guy concerned
    but I'd toss all the negatives and doubt out of it.

    Work on it, you have a good start

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    60983

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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