A Hurt Torn Little Girl

Author: Enleigh ASL Info:    16/f/WI Elite Ratio:    2.32 - 21 /32 /13 Words: 107

Class/Type: Poetry /Death Total Views: 844 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 668

Description:

---

A Hurt Torn Little Girl

---

Hi my name is Kori, my life is sad I must say and im here to tell you my story. First I must warn you, I am only 8. It's pretty scary, because I'v allready picked a date. My Mommy's gone, My Daddy's a drunk. I know it's wrong, but I want him gone. My Mommy didn't deseve to die. Why did it have to happen, Im going to make him cry. He thinks I didn't see, He thinks he gotta away with murder. Mommy dont worry, its me. What he did was so so bad, I can't belive what I'v done. Tonight I shot my Dad

Submitted on 2005-05-31 08:43:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

This was explosive! I really enjoyed this peice. I liked how it flowed from start to finish, how the story unfolded. And I pray to god this wasn't real, and if it was you have my prayers. On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best, I'll rate it an 11. Way to go. Keep up the good word, and I'll keep reading. god bless, illusions35904

| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by illusions35904 | [ Reply to This ]

WOW! this is very good! it brought emotion to em and i thgouht it was very good! u could try in use larger words even thoughu said ur only eight u have alot of potential and i think if u keep on keeepin on that u can be the best u wanna be and that u dont have to die! great job keep up teh good work!

| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]

wow...um...ok...i really feel the anger behind this. i like how you show Kori...a young girl that takes matters into her own hands sorta like Matilda...in a really weird way this reminded me of that little kid in the Grudge...killing people...except Kori had a better reason and more self control...keep it up!

| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]

this is very good..i like it a lot...this little girl has problems...but i am glad that you aren't talking about yourself or anyone you know...the world doesn't need another psychopath...

| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by BuckeyeBoy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

60991