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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Know A Placedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: inkonspikuous
    ASL Info:    21/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    5.94 - 76/74/26
    Words: 238
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 179
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       Background?...I changed the form of this poem on the spot...so if its isnt right please let me know. This is my pre-"Us Cowards" era. I pretty much hated life and everything about it..I like to consider this my first true poem. Please tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Know A Placedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know a place...
    where unfufilled expectations,
    self inflicted or otherwise,
    eat away at the vitality of the soul.
    and where each fufilled expectation
    serves only to obscure my identity.

    I know a place...
    where for survival pure hate
    questions the extistence of true love.

    Its a place where problems dont exist
    until they become issues, and
    where "the road less traveled" converges
    with the one well traveled.

    I know a place...
    where only the weakest emotions survive, and
    where laughter is only used to distinguish pain.

    Its a place where the happy people cry on the inside
    and the unhappy people cry on the out.
    Where despair is more desirable than hope, and
    selfishness is a safety precaution.

    I know a place...
    where those who "feel" you bleed to death
    and the ones who think they understand
    know nothing at all.

    Its a place where "inkonspikuous-ness" is desirable
    and far away is never far enough.

    Its a place where the majority are submitted
    to an emotiional homicide, to create a monotony;
    a sameness, where only the apathetic survive,
    and suicide is an act of bravery.

    Its a place where the agreeable are punks, the fittest are things, and the realist are patients.

    Where the pen and paper bleed while the words cry.
    Where I dont write for the love of the art,
    but for my sanity.




    Submitted on 2005-05-31 12:40:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I find it hard to believe that this is your first.
    Although it does show a trasnition between emotionally fueled words and your later pieces.

    I like the way you veered from the "I know a place" to start every stanza, that makes is so much nicer to read and keeps the flow well, and the breaks that stop so suddenly, giving you a chance to breath and think of what you just read really help get the point across.

    The subject... well I can't say I understand truly what you meant, I have read it in different ways and come out with this place being
    1) Inside the head of the author, being trapped by emotion
    2)The general life of a teenager, being ignored by all and understood by none who can explain for themselves.
    3)The heart of a poet, where the worst of emotion must reside in order to create and the creation must be to resolve the heart.

    Are any of these close?

    I do like this though, I think I will be able to get something different out of your words each time I read it, and to me that is what makes a poem worth rereading.

    ummm, I have to criticise so, the grammer and spelling need a look at I think
    I did notice some of the spelling was wrong for me 'cause I speak a different type of English but I'm too lazy to check every word. Sorry.
    | Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      I really, really liked this poem and think it's very good but I am left wondering where this place is or what it is. I am thinking of course that it's a place inside all of us, but you never say so. which is okay. you leave it up to us to figure out.

    this is one of my favorite verses:

    Its a place where problems dont exist
    until they become issues, and
    where "the road less traveled" converges
    with the one well traveled.

    I love the way you ended it too and made writing an answer to making it through this life. very nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay...brace yourself, this may be a long one. I really thought this piece was great. I could tell as you had said, that this was maybe your first 'true' poem...aside from very minor flow issues and places i would change punctuation (not that my opinion remotely matters) :) Anyways, thanks for the read.

    Second verse, that really tripped me out. I had to read it like four times over and over to grasp the wording. Not that it matters if its easy for the reader to grasp initially or not, but if you're going for that maybe consider a comma after ' for survival' and before pure hate, sort of seperating some part of the english language(maybe a predicate???? help me out) with the subject and etc. pretty cool stuff.

    In the third paragraph i would consider for the last verse something that provides a little more antithesis and dissimilarity from the line prior.

    Spelling error in line w/ "emotiional homicide"

    Well whatever! this stuff really reinvigorated my interest in the site. It gets so dry with all the depression and 10 year old kids not really knowing themselves yet...good to write but not really the place to display the (very unpolished) pain. Anyways, sorry for my rants and encourage you to keep writing keep well and check out some of my stuff... I'd like to know wha tyou think. finally someone my age w/ the same intriguing ideas. Stoked to check out more of your stuff
    key wester
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Key Wester | [ Reply to This ]
      This shows great talent and emotional understanding and maturity. Really nice piece, flows awesomely and absolutely captivates the reader. I was so caught up in this, the raw emotion, the truth, your description. I love the way you depicted things throughout the poem. I was about to point out that inconspicuousness was spelt < like that but then I saw your user name n figure it was deliberate. Well, good work, hope to see more
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]


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