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    dots Submission Name: The Sorceressdots

    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 971
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269

       just comment on it. I am in a very weird mood right now,which I go through very often at times.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sorceressdots

    The night drew into its darkness
    A warm summer night with its tropical whiff
    The spell of the damned has already been cast
    The enchantment is due before long

    The sweat streaming down the forehead
    A salty flavor revived inside the mouth
    The forms taking place with ghastly horror
    As the river flow towards the south

    The lady so grim yet so fair of features
    Sitting upon her forlorn throne
    Standing up and pointing to the ocean
    Takes a sip from a cup of gold

    He who once prophesied has spoken again
    It is not of what is called hope
    Amongst the ranks of the warriors of valor
    The hearts, they have frozen to stone

    Deathly pale the divine lay
    By her side a magical sword
    The one who seek not what he shall find
    Is upon eternity’s line of shores

    The grim lady has spoken yet again
    And from her command the thunder rolls
    The valiant who walk to the face of death
    He finds not what he may keep for his own

    The darkness of what is happening
    The bleakness of what is the truth
    An apple tree amidst a desert
    Bears but many such fruits

    Submitted on 2005-05-31 14:52:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really good poem, I like how you created an archaic, almost mythical voice within this poem, furthered by the allusions to traditional things like 'a golden cup'. It also has points of inspired imagery such as 'An apple tree amidst a desert' - evoking the image of something good and fruitful growing amongst nothing and 'tropical whiff' - giving us the idea of something sharp, fruitful and fresh like the ideals you allude to. The poem is made vivid through the use two senses, sight and smell. Perhaps I could suggest a summary of the poem's subject might make a good title like 'The Death of the Mythic Queen', perhaps combining it with ideals. A good write, keep them coming,

    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, and i thought the imagery was amazing...i think that when you read this that one is taken to another world. when i read it i felt like i was somewhere different and far away, i liked that effect nice work

    It's feels original as i have not read anything quite like this before and i like how you made the writing flow.

    I'm going to fav. this nice work :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by samyalone | [ Reply to This ]

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