Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: cHaMbER oF ISOLATION...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kristian
    ASL Info:    30/male/modesto, ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 71/44/29
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Friendship
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1388



    Description:
       THIS POEM SPEAKS 4 IT SELF


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscHaMbER oF ISOLATION...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    this chamber of isolation has grown cold
    the assumption that you would care
    left me to find out that there is no one there
    si i collect my pride and shove these tears inside
    lookin at me, i wish i can make myself believe i am who you see
    all these secrets shuved inside
    the pain i burried all in stride
    there back again
    Looking around im the only one here, alone again
    this is me, a distorted figure of what you
    all this love scares you away
    you run to someone who cares half as much
    leaving me crumbled by your jaded touch
    i set way embarking on another day
    hiding the loneliness- im confused on the life i portray
    tourmented by these hidden cries,
    stuffed behind a life of lies
    family and friends are fake
    they only love what they can take
    yet so lonely its loud-- i turn to drugs to keep them near
    cuz when im alone i am full of fear
    these intentions of being normal have grown
    but my actions of greed leave me alone
    this loud sound of emptiness is pounding at my dome
    burying the pain i once known
    here inside are tears that i cried when you lied
    this isnt me , my pride buries the pain
    i hide cuz were through
    am i becoming my father?
    are my nightmares becoming true?




    Submitted on 2005-06-01 07:26:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i am confused. i did feel all the pain, sadness, and lonliness in the poem, but i didn't understand the last part 'am i becoming my father?
    are my nightmares becoming true?'
    i'm just a little lst there. otherwise, cool poem!
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by ShatteredGlass | [ Reply to This ]
      It just stopped. . what about becoming like your father scares you?? Why is it a nightmare. You should have elaborated on it just a bit more because it just kind of left you hanging.

    I felt real pain and could relate well with this. I know how it feels to have others think that they know you, yet they know very little. They probably know less than some strangers that come across you.

    I liked this alot, I just wish you would have put more into the ending. But Ive been there, without knowing how to end, just a piece of advice! Great write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      i can really feel all of your pain and frustration, sounds like you're having a hard time of life. i am a bit confused by those last lines as well. was this whole thing about your father, or did you mean to continue it? other than that, it's great. good work.

    gwen
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, the only problem with this poem, is the freaking title. It's all garbled. It really kind of pisses me off. Just looking at it... [censored] drives me insane...
    It disgusts me.
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    61111

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry