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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Pathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1145



    Description:
       It was not written at the moment. This was written on January this year. I thought it would be nice to get some comments on this...........


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am walking amidst the cold fog
    In through the musty woods
    And there in the darkness
    A light begins to shine

    A candle in the cool breeze
    The flame dancing my mind
    A siren from a distance
    Singing tales that make you blind

    A storm of fear
    Bring the silence to die

    And tears flowing
    In the blood driven time

    Let the songs start the course of war
    The music quenching the mental thirst
    The fiery wings flying our way
    The eruption has finally begun

    The time has come
    For the revolution
    Bringing changes in the lineage
    The race of my kind

    Walk through the day
    And nights just pass by
    The mountain passes leading paths
    That died yet awake to cry

    Winter shadows in the brightness
    Of fallen days divine
    The guide stars glowing dim

    The time for now
    The time is nigh

    The spiral stairway
    Rising until itís climbed
    Lost from vision
    As the bells continue to chime




    Submitted on 2005-06-01 08:49:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay. I must tell you, Ive read all your poems, everything that is here, anyway. i dont know why I don't comment. Not my thing. So, I'll just say, I Love This One. :) take care.
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent. I love the mysticism within 'The Path'. The poem is vivid without being overly descriptive. I especially like the first two stanzas:

    I am walking amidst the cold fog
    In through the musty woods
    And there in the darkness
    A light begins to shine

    A candle in the cool breeze
    The flame dancing my mind
    A siren from a distance
    Singing tales that make you blind.

    and the phrase:

    In the blood driven time.

    These are all so original, especailly 'A candle in the cool breeze'. This engages sight, feeling and hearing and therefore comes over as very sensual.
    I don't like your use of punctuation later in the poem. The piece had an organic immediacy when weren't including the comma's. I find the phrase:

    The race of my kind

    oblique. What do you mean by this? Is it intentionally ambigious? Since, you had referenced revolution I thought you might mean 'race' as in the fight and struggle which would inevitably come with a revolution, but as you had mentioned lineage I thought you might also mean race as in ethnicity ( this was my concept that seemed to dominate). If you only meant it in this way than I think you could write:

    of my race

    which would sound less obsolete. I like the archaic, mystical voice in this yet I think that line detracts because the inversion makes it confusing. Overall, an excellent and inspired poem.
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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