Description: It was not written at the moment. This was written on January this year. I thought it would be nice to get some comments on this...........
The Path -------------------------------------------
I am walking amidst the cold fog
In through the musty woods
And there in the darkness
A light begins to shine
A candle in the cool breeze
The flame dancing my mind
A siren from a distance
Singing tales that make you blind
A storm of fear
Bring the silence to die
And tears flowing
In the blood driven time
Let the songs start the course of war
The music quenching the mental thirst
The fiery wings flying our way
The eruption has finally begun
The time has come
For the revolution
Bringing changes in the lineage
The race of my kind
Walk through the day
And nights just pass by
The mountain passes leading paths
That died yet awake to cry
Winter shadows in the brightness
Of fallen days divine
The guide stars glowing dim
The time for now
The time is nigh
The spiral stairway
Rising until it’s climbed
Lost from vision
As the bells continue to chime
Okay. I must tell you, Ive read all your poems, everything that is here, anyway. i dont know why I don't comment. Not my thing. So, I'll just say, I Love This One. :) take care.
This is excellent. I love the mysticism within 'The Path'. The poem is vivid without being overly descriptive. I especially like the first two stanzas:
I am walking amidst the cold fog In through the musty woods And there in the darkness A light begins to shine
A candle in the cool breeze The flame dancing my mind A siren from a distance Singing tales that make you blind.
and the phrase:
In the blood driven time.
These are all so original, especailly 'A candle in the cool breeze'. This engages sight, feeling and hearing and therefore comes over as very sensual. I don't like your use of punctuation later in the poem. The piece had an organic immediacy when weren't including the comma's. I find the phrase:
The race of my kind
oblique. What do you mean by this? Is it intentionally ambigious? Since, you had referenced revolution I thought you might mean 'race' as in the fight and struggle which would inevitably come with a revolution, but as you had mentioned lineage I thought you might also mean race as in ethnicity ( this was my concept that seemed to dominate). If you only meant it in this way than I think you could write:
of my race
which would sound less obsolete. I like the archaic, mystical voice in this yet I think that line detracts because the inversion makes it confusing. Overall, an excellent and inspired poem.
Submission Name: The Path
