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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nightmaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Destined
    ASL Info:    17/f/wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 86/68/17
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 206
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1004



    Description:
       Just something I had in one of my folders at school and I can't remember where I got it from but I created a pome out of it. ^_^ It's interesting I think.

    (Question: Do you think I should keep or get rid of the lines "Cradling in the arms of mother night,
    Breath like a whispering music beneath our heads." Tell me what you think!!)

    (Edited)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNightmaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wicked as they are, in silence they come,
    Like dark soldiers marching across our subconscious.

    Sleep abides our forbidden thoughts,
    Its amiable empathy soothing our eyes into sleep.

    Cradled in the arms of mother night,
    Breath like a whispered music beneath our heads.

    They march across the realms of our minds,
    The Soldiers pillage our dreams; cast our light and seek our shadows.

    Adamant of their greed and anger as they seek revenge,
    Tearing our eyes wide so we may watch that which is lost in light.

    They are our creations, an echo of what we refuse to hear.
    Creatures that thrive on our fears.

    They bask in the frosty shadows
    Casting by a frightening light of which there is no origin.

    Death is their master and servant,
    In sleep, they live.

    Our screams are silent,
    Yet all fallen angels hear us on our way down




    Submitted on 2005-06-01 11:07:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i love this poem
    it's extrememly well written
    my favorite line is
    "Tearing our eyes wide so we may watch that which is lost in light."
    ahh
    i love that

    favoriting it
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Fatty.Mcabby | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting...very interesting. If I were you I would keep the line:

    "Cradling in the arms of mother night,
    Breath like a whispering music beneath our heads."

    Now I shall commend you for writing a very well written poem and for making it so easy to read. There are so many people about who don't space things in a readable fashion. Its nice to see people who don't succumb to that. The only thing I don't like about your poem is that last line:

    ''Our screams are silent,
    Yet all fallen angels hear us on their way down''

    I just don't think it fits with the rest. You see in my own opinion the stanza before it sounds like it would be a fine endign for the poem. It sort of adds finality to the poem, a finality which is detracted from by that last line. Of course you can do what you want but my own opinion would be to cut it. Then you'll have a perfect poem.
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello, I opened it up because I had a nightmare just last night, and have had tem every night for quite some time now, so I thought perchance I might relate...and alas, I did...I loved it. I would like to say that I think the line you are refering to and considering eliminating is a great line. I may change only the part, "beneath our heads." I like the lines up until that, and somehow that just didn't sound right...think about the wording...I'll bet you could come up with something more original..or maybe just more dark...more something... you know?
    and I'm commenting on the last stanza too because I too thought it simply didn't fit the rest of what you wrote. You have a wonderful and eloquent way of wording a very common subject, and making it very dark...and ten the last few words of the very last line are so ordinary...and a bit cliché..."...on the way down" ...I don't know...I love "Our sreams are silent." That was perhaps the best line...or one of them. It's like as we sleep and look so peaceful we could be tormented within our thoughts...that's chilling...LOVE THAT...but then I was expecting a last line that was chilling, and I was a bit let down...I would love to see it if you decide to revise it...I love it anyway, but you know? It would be neat to see what you might come up with. You have a great way with words, and I'll be lookin' out for ya!
    later.
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Anniehodgkiss | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw that is so vivid and so right. Wen I read your poem i can definently relate to how nightmares be. Its so cool how you make the point that without or subconsciousness, those "Dark soldiers" can only live, and they thrive on our fears bringing them about to evolve a nightmare. Wow, this is a stunner of a piece. You should enter it into a comp
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by freak_like_me | [ Reply to This ]
      it was rather good... i enjoyed reading it but it reminded me alot of a song... i can not remember which one... mheh... that is besides the point... i enjoyed it and it was very good... i can offer no real other criticism just good job... enjoy
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow nanana bear i love the entire poem, the flow is perfect and there are no spelling errors, and this is a whole new level for you i know i can say for me this is your best you have written so far, when i read this i got a calming feeling and then i could see the nightmare and when you wake up breathing fast all sweaty and afraid, and i love how you kept saying soldiers, and the picture you found for this poem matches it well, wuv ya nanana this is going on my favorites.
    ~liz~
    (i know i put and my fav line is but i can't find a fav line i just think the whole poem itself is to awesome to take it apart)
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]



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