Description: I guess this is sort of reality, and sort of a preminission. I haven't acted on the dumping part yet though. Anyway, it tells the story for itself.
P.S. If anyone has a suggestion for a title, it would be much appreciated.
Age Matters -------------------------------------------
We said that age doesn't mean a thing
Eight years isn't that much time
More time is wasted by not taking chances
But sometimes the choices we make
Ruin us in the end
You were of a different sort
A virgin in every way
I tainted you
Infected you
Took away who you are
You thought that I was the good girl
You tried to make right by me
Yet you could never see
That I was a living lie
Trying to ruin myself
I wasn't who you thought I was
And I'm still not
And I can never be
We both had different ideals
Yours I could not fill
It broke my heart the day that I let you go
But I didn't have a choice
I was leaving in a few short months
Your heart would have broken anyway
Just thought that I would save you some time
I was a fool to think
That Age didn't mater
But the truth is that it does
Eight years was too much
For us to surpass
Having read some of your previous comments I have to agree with the person who said maturity matters...
I'm nearly 28 and my girlfriend is 22, luckily for us I am immature and she is very mature indeed and level headed, so it works out well. I'm sorry to hear that things didnt work out for you, I hope you don't beat yourself up about it too much.
Yes, age does matter, in a relationship anyways. Unless you have a young very mature person with an older very immature person! Then you would have a middle ground, ya know? Somewhere in between is where you need to be. Sounds like you were the mature one here though...cher
You asked for a title. I just realized now. I think a very appropriate title would be "Fools rush in" (Hehehehe). Age matters works for this, even though, I don't think the core of this poem lies in the age difference, it's more... What do I say *sighs*...
It's more about accepting your shortcomings and not letting others make up for that. Really just taking someone else's feelings into consideration other than it being about "me". I'm wandering off again. titles???*shakes head".
"we are too deifferent" . Damn losers at work are disturbing my thoughts.
Lata
| Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]
Let's focus on the poem and the theory aspects of it first. Solid structure. I like the way the rhyme flows and yet it does not seem forced. Nothing else here.
I like what you are saying here. I do think age matters, but only when it comes to someone not entirely mature or developed yet. I hope you understand. if someone is say 12, the other is 20. There's bound to be problems. but if the one is 20 and the other 28, then there's not that same sort of problems. The one person might lack experience and wisdom, but not the basics. I hope this makes sense.
There is a real sense of honesty in this. I get the feeling though that even you couldn't entirely except that you weren't entirely truthful. This might just be me, but that's what I picked up.
This poem reminded me of my friend. Before he got into a relationship with this girl, he already foresaw how they were going to break up. Why date then in the first place??
Any ways. Gr8!!!
| Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]
This is very nicely done. you got two messages in this piece and you got to know which one matters most. I saw the age thing but i didn't know whether you were way older than him or he was way older than you. Yeah, 8 years is a lot and if you think of it, sometimes it grosses you out but i got a b/f who is 9 years older than me and that doesn't freak me out although i think about it a lot.
Some stuff you say are true...How you're a virgin and after being near that person, you become tainted. I agree with that completely cause i became that. You make a lot of points yet somehow i have the impression that we're not specifically dealing with this, so let me go to the next point.
Being someone who you really not. After all you did mention it: I wasn't who you thought I was And I'm still not And I can never be We both had different ideals Yours I could not fill
And there are a few other parts that deal with it. Now that i look at it, there is another thing going on: breaking someone's heart earlier than planned although it is being dealt in the last part but still, that could be the story.
So you see, you have so many different stories that although heartfelt is a bit off the topic.
I like your five line stanzas yet i don't think you're being balanced with the way it flows. I think i said this a million times already but when you read a piece aloud it must flow. Here i am stressing my words either longer than i should or shorter than i should so do take care of that.
I like this piece cause it relates to real life experience and that it is something you felt. So overall, i think it is well done. Keep writing. Peace...Irina
wow, a very interesting and heart felt poem. You can tell you think a lot, but in a good way. This is sad one, but the detail is really great. It paints a nice and very vivid image. I like the free verse pattern you used, it made it flow absolutely splendedly.
a nice little ditty ok unlike other people that have put there comments/ideas down i dont have half as much of expierience err expertices as them. well what i wanted to say(not to sound negitive err annything) was that the only part i didnt like was the few short months i just thought that theres no shuch thing as a short month it dose potray something that it seemed short to you but it didn't really do me. otherwise i liked it expecially this part: You were of a different sort A virgin in every way I tainted you Infected you Took away who you are
You thought that I was the good girl You tried to make right by me Yet you could never see That I was a living lie Trying to ruin myself (ok i didnt wanna copy the hole poem so i just put this part cus i thoght it was the best part.) i dont wanna drag on fer too long so i just wanna say u rock lol liam/patrick <3
awwwwww...omg...I know exactly what this is about jess...and it sucks...but you never know what could happen **shrugs** and a title could be "8 years" to me it seems to make sense...well i like the way it's written and the fact that it doesn't rhyme :p stuff that doesn't rhyme is good :p haha nice write *hugs* good luck with this
aww fuk that's sad. Jess you opened up a side here that has yet to be exposed not necasarily in writing but in life. You learned obviously what took me years to figure out, that we don't necasarily allways make the right decisions. It is ok to break up and move on and sometimes our feelings arent the pnly ones that are involved. Sometimes saying somebody free and I know this is cliché, but it is the better choice. You're being mature and growing up. I know that sucks to hear but I personally am proud of you. Nice one-from the heart equals good Lamemansterms
hello, sort of picked you at random cos you had a nice icon and there was a star next to ur poem - hope you dont mind a stranger giving feedback, if you do i'll take it off.
As a subject it's sad (obviously) but you come across strangely blase and almost uncaring. the poem is almost devoid of any emotion on ur part and the meter of the poem is short and snappy.
i understand ur feelings will run a lot deeper than 7 paragraphs can ever express. i really like the way uv mixed the notion of carpe diem (in the 1st paragraph) with the contradiction of time being something you can control. what i'm getting from the poem IS contradiction - maybe thats why i cant see the emotion? you went with your heart and everything you believed but in the end its a difference which makes the biggest difference.
ahem... maybe Im dumb.. but I dont understand wat this is about.. Its intriguing tho.. i liked the way you wrote this.. uh.. it sounds bad so I wont ask shaun
Ahhh, you know I think maybe age can matter but if love is true, it really wouldn't, would it? Lots of ppl are together yet their ages are at variance . . . I know my own grandparents were married for something like 60 years, and they were about 7 years apart in age. There are some extreme cases too, of differences of age ranging beyond 20 years or more, and that kind of difference is vast . . . but not insurmountable if there is love and some mutual and powerful bond . . . that keeps them together. And no, I don't mean these young ladies who marry old farts for money! hahaa. I guess that happens too, but that's not really for love, is it?
Submission Name: Age Matters
