Burst by Magnolia

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Submission Name: Burst dots

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Author:	Magnolia
ASL Info:	31/ F
Elite Ratio:	6.14 - 402/377/27
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	526
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	668

Description:
many thanks to the "daddy" of this poem...Sandburg...He held my hand the whole time as I gave birth.

Burst

-------------------------------------------

millions of nerve endings
being ripped awake, screaming
and finally...
I am reeling from all
this beauty,
the language
of your smile,
the way the rain hits
me as I run laughing--
my clothes stuck
to me tightly,
yet I am unencumbered
Horns honking--
"who is this crazy girl?"
I am Morgan Le Fay!
I am Ophelia!
I am Aphrodite!
Lady Godiva!
Venus!
I am present
in this skin
on this earth
at this very moment-
I can't tell you
when I have felt
this alive.

Submitted on 2005-06-02 10:56:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was simply too good and I don't think I need to say anything more.

Keep up the great work and have a blessed and most wonderful day.
| Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  I saw this on someone's fave list just now and had to take a peek... you never fail to amaze aunty Nae Nae. Your voice in this is free-spirited, joyous, and content with life. You seem to embody every female archetype/goddess figure and say it with passion.

I think that's what I enjoy the most about your poems-- I can always feel your personality coming through. And... I used to have a slight fetish for dancing in the rain naked... so maybe I'm a bit biased with this lol.

"Language of smiles"-- how eloquent. Just had to pick that part out because it struck me for its originality and simplicity.

Always a pleasure reading you Rene'. Another fave.
Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, so I am way late in reading this, but ever grateful to have stumbled across it.
This was superb - The whole "here I am" and loving every bit of yourself for it - this is bold, loud and clear - the only way to go.
The line that does it all for me...
"yet I am unencumbered"
You go Sister - Tell em!

Very well done Rene,
Lisa
| Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  OMG this is the second thing I've read today that makes me want to get up and scream and dance! Wonderful! Beautiful! Inspiring!

You capture it all so well, this need we sometimes get to just explode in happiness.

(and the images of wet clothes clinging to skin is so damn sexy!)

thanks for sharing

is this site conspiring to make me see the good in everything today???
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, you are officially the Sorceress of Elite Skills!

From a very evocative journal entry you took the emotions, and the ideas, and transformed it into a beautiful, delicate, passionate, magical poem....

This is soooo beautiful, I cannot even begin to tell you how happy it makes me...you actually let your reader feel this light build up within, and take over our senses, and just make us giddy with the feelings...building and building the passion....till we burst, with you...

Incredible...truly incredible

This is magic I am taking with me

Much love,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
  Fantastic! Terrific! Magnificent! (Oh, excuse me, must think feedback not compliments) Honestly, this is just "Burst"ing with joy. This is the feminine "Singing in the Rain". This uplifts and inspires the reader. It starts out hard, "nerve endings" being "ripped", it could go either way. then the words "beauty", language", and "smile" lead us to discover why this girl is so "alive". "I run laughing", in the rain no less, and we sense her joyous being. She is thrilled with her existance, surely, love is in her heart.

Just a wonderful and exciting poem. Flawless! I loved it. New FAV!

Phil
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  yea!

this is beautiful! i love that feeling! the all encompassing feeling or i am woman hear me roar! lol...kinda feeling like that today!

it has this pace about it that pulled me along and made me want to dance in the rain...this is a feeling worth sharing and remembering! thank you!
-nikki
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is wonderful Rene'! it is so alive and in the moment. i know the feeling you write of, specially since i sit here in Nan's kitchen while she is off at a training and the rain is pouring down outside, the thunder is booming and i just want to go run down the street and shout my love to everyone who'll listen, but they'd probably arrest me and then Nan would have to bail me out of jail... *sigh*
i would only suggest you take out the ands before Lady Godiva and Venus and just let them stand alone.
isn't it great to have friends like Dave who will help you out when you need it? he's a gift.
!Cat
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  sew,
u have mullions of near vendings
repeat a wake.

I know what that is like.
it is better than a saintly death.
And you have done some sort of circus growing act as regards what it is that you write - it is altogether more moved on from. more adult if you like; more better...
whatever.
I especially like the hip swung not-quite-naivete:
the clamorous feel that your well chosen words present.
yes: joyous clamour.
I think that this is what this is.
excuse my dizzy sta-sta-stammer...
later,
K
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this! It was posted in your journal too and loved it there too. :) I love feeling so alive and happy. Dancing, running, playing in the rain will do that. I like the poem structure a lot too. It's drawn out which brings the piece together. :) Great job! Memories like this are great to capture in a poem. :)
-blt
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this very much the words bled the emotion very well. I liked the usage of words and the power this piece displayed, nice write.
| Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
  Cool, i dig it. Very much a matter of the spirit. That is why your intro with the nerve endings and all is exquisite. Linking the physical to the spiritual. That little intangible something extra that makes us "crazy"...and somehow greater than the sum of our parts.

The line breaks fit the tone of this one, as the reader is left catching up with the start of the next line that somehow in the swirl of things got ever so slightly ahead of us.

This poem was a delight to read.
Oh yeah...and i'm happy for you (smiles:).
kc
| Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]

Poets, poets. everywhere on this site, beautiful poets who never fail to inspire and touch...
I kind of liken it to CPR. Poets have the ability to jolt an unbeating heart lol, and you are one of them.

I can't even describe the joy and beauty and excitement in this poem, it does make you wanna get up and dance! dance! dance!
all the way out your door and across the lawn and onto the street! *and then hurriedly and embarrassingly back inside the house, as you realise you're still in your underwear.*

hahah!
I loved reading this.
a definite FAVA.

alexis
| Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
  Burst. What an accurate title to this delightful piece. Each line bursts with energy and emotion. I could feel the burst of "self" of "joy" of "life energy" as I went from one line to the next.
I can't find a thing to critique.
It's all good!
| Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Rene', my name is Aphrodike and I am the love goddess of Nansas City, wow, this is breakthrough stuff for you. Written with a clean line of impressions, it literally bursts off the page. The use of powerful words as we witness your transformation-
stunning, sweet goddess. So different in concept, a style so near to my heart. I'm gonna take some lessons from that Sandburg guy, where is he anyway?

Having visited the heart jungle this weekend makes this one all the more vibrant, thanks dear one.
much love,
Nan
| Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]

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