The Deathodils by shoggoth

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Submission Name: The Deathodils dots

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Author:	shoggoth
ASL Info:	24/m/croatia
Elite Ratio:	4.74 - 80/84/30
Words:	136

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	917
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	926

Description:
This is a dark rewrite of "The Daffodils" - by William Wordsworth.

The Deathodils dots

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The Deathodils

I sloped the Earth alone
Dragging through endless dirt
The sky bred a hollow tone
Forcing the path to revert

I turned and saw sights that made
Me to forget my existance
A sight that cut like a blade
There simply was no resistance

I saw them yes I saw 'em well
Swallowing the vales and hills
Straight from lower plains of hell
A pack of blackened deathodils

Leaking death from every pore
They withered, but did not seem to die
Hundreds, thousands, even more
My tortured eyes could not but cry

Staring in sorrow and disgust
Disturbing thoughts consumed my mind
Forget these images I must
Or they shall haunt me 'till I'm blind

And then my heart with horror fills
And trembles near the deathodils

Submitted on 2005-06-02 14:18:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Cool twist on this. I'm sure i've read "the daffodils" before but it was probably in high school, which i tend not to remember very well. So i just reread it and i'm positive "the Deathodils" was much more interesting. You did a great job with this.

Owlman
| Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
  Disturbing and touching all at once. I can imagine the evil swarm speckling and then blanketing the horizon. Sadistical little flowers. So trippy. But scary trippy. I hope to god no one near me or... me, ever hallucinates about sucha thing. Aweful. Scary. I loved the poem. Don't know about the original write, but this was teek. Sweet. Rofty. Cool. Serious. Spiff. All good things. Peace. -rue
| Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
  it's good work ..keep on
you stell need to match..
take care of the ...rhyme and try to use more easer words ..but is's a good one
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ]
  this was very good i loved it very much im going to say that i can relate but im not sure you will feel the same i hope to reade more of your work and hope very much that you dont let anybody get in the way of what you like to d.

chaos, hate, and destruction.
| Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]

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61287

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.