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    dots Submission Name: The Deathodilsdots

    Author: shoggoth
    ASL Info:    24/m/croatia
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 80/84/30
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 926

       This is a dark rewrite of "The Daffodils" - by William Wordsworth.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Deathodilsdots

    The Deathodils

    I sloped the Earth alone
    Dragging through endless dirt
    The sky bred a hollow tone
    Forcing the path to revert

    I turned and saw sights that made
    Me to forget my existance
    A sight that cut like a blade
    There simply was no resistance

    I saw them yes I saw 'em well
    Swallowing the vales and hills
    Straight from lower plains of hell
    A pack of blackened deathodils

    Leaking death from every pore
    They withered, but did not seem to die
    Hundreds, thousands, even more
    My tortured eyes could not but cry

    Staring in sorrow and disgust
    Disturbing thoughts consumed my mind
    Forget these images I must
    Or they shall haunt me 'till I'm blind

    And then my heart with horror fills
    And trembles near the deathodils

    Submitted on 2005-06-02 14:18:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Cool twist on this. I'm sure i've read "the daffodils" before but it was probably in high school, which i tend not to remember very well. So i just reread it and i'm positive "the Deathodils" was much more interesting. You did a great job with this.

    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Disturbing and touching all at once. I can imagine the evil swarm speckling and then blanketing the horizon. Sadistical little flowers. So trippy. But scary trippy. I hope to god no one near me or... me, ever hallucinates about sucha thing. Aweful. Scary. I loved the poem. Don't know about the original write, but this was teek. Sweet. Rofty. Cool. Serious. Spiff. All good things. Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      it's good work ..keep on
    you stell need to match..
    take care of the ...rhyme and try to use more easer words ..but is's a good one
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good i loved it very much im going to say that i can relate but im not sure you will feel the same i hope to reade more of your work and hope very much that you dont let anybody get in the way of what you like to d.

    chaos, hate, and destruction.
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]

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