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    dots Submission Name: Can't figure me outdots

    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 1005
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901

       This poem, like "This "love"", is dedicated to Matthew, who is presently my ex. We, uh, broke up a few days ago... actually he dumped me... because we hadn't seen each other in about a month! *sigh...* *thinking: don't cry, don't cry* I wish whould have lasted but it didn't so too bad. That's what I keep on saying but you know I'm really sad. :( *bawling like a baby* tell me what you think (but don't you dare say there'll be plenty more, 'cause that's so not gonna help).

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan't figure me outdots

    I've never been so uncertain
    About my feelings before
    I thought you actually liked me
    I was proved wrong once more
    I know that I really like you
    But is it love or lust
    Not one person can tell me
    That metal in rain won't rust
    I guess that since it's over
    It wasn't meant to be
    But something keeps on saying
    "We'll be back together you'll see"

    You'd think that I'd stop there
    But I am still confused
    Tell me what I feel for you
    Was I just being used?
    Is there someone at your school
    Who you can't really stand?
    Someone who really likes you
    Did you have all this planned?
    Please answer all my questions
    Because I need to know
    There has to be a reason why
    You so easily let me go!

    Submitted on 2005-06-02 21:57:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You find yourself asking hm all these questions, but once you recieve the answers you will probably feel even worse so, I suggest asking yourself a couple questions, perhaps some of the same ones just directed toward you. Is that person really who you wanted and still want? stuff like that. You need to answer thte questions about what you think before you ask him. Ahh I guess this might be a bunch of blah blah blah to you but I try to help in some ways.

    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Brack-Attax | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... so much unanswered. So much to remain that way. Life is an unexpected journey and granted you dont wanna hear it but there will be others... time will heal this. You're listed as 14... I know everything seems life and death but you will survive. Now to the poem... I like the imagery of everything just sitting and slowly decaying. Granted it is a truely morbid scene but to be able to concentrate your diction and usage to such avail is impeccable. Be careful what you ask you may just get an answer... remember that for future context and I hope that either yall get back together or you realize you're better off finding happiness in yourself before needing it from omeone else. Good luck on all future endeavors and remember to smell the roses and smile through the pain. It may hurt now, but people see the real you through your feigned happiness than you may realize. The world is your pizza... dig in girl!
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems more like you can't figure him out instead of yourself. Doesn't look as though you're the one with the problem. Don't worry, some guys are like that. Can't live with them, can't live without them. Just a fact we all females gotta accept.

    I really think you should face him and clear this consciousness that has been bothering you. Best have it in the open than wonder what might have been. Hope you're okay with it now. If he still likes you, you'll get him back but if he doesn't, what ya gonna do? Can't make him love you willingly.

    Anyhow, in terms of them poem, I'm saying it flat out, these are your emotions and thoughts urging to come out on paper and share it with the rest of us. I've had so many of those situation, i just can't remember them by numbers now. Had something like that called "Came and gone" don't have it here but maybe u can check it out on my other website. If you want to check it.

    Anyhow, you'll be okay...no worries...
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      ya know...if he dumped you because you havent seen each other... he's a dick... honestly. I havent seen my girlfriend in 4-5 month's! He's just dumb. dont be hangin onto him, but keep the faith in yourself!

    So, on to the poem.
    Your flow is good, couple spots where the rhythm faltered, but its still good.
    First thing I noticed, 4th line, "proved wrong" should be "proven wrong," It fits better and is... "Gramatically correct" lol.
    "can't I believe should be "cannot" It sounds more dramatic, more serious, thus adding to your poem. It also fits in with previous remarks such as, "not one person," you said that instead of no one, or nobody. Its guud and I think you should make the rest match.
    Also, in your second stanza you use end punctuation, question marks at least. if your going to use them, use them all the time, and use periods and commas as well. it all goes into consistency...IT IS YOUR FRIEND... :-/
    Well, The idea behind this is powerful, it always get people interested... so many people are caught up on other's troubles...kinda sad really. but I believe that with your knowledge and imagination you can work this out, and you can find someone that will stick with you.
    Happy happenstances
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Lareth | [ Reply to This ]

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