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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sorriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Suicidalchild51
    ASL Info:    17/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 411/333/83
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Angry
    Total Views: 724
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1089



    Description:
       This is about my brother hating my father but then again being the same thing he is. (my father) we dont live with him anymore but it feels like it alot!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSorriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm Tired of all your sorries,
    I'm tired of everything you do,
    Sorry donít mean anything
    Now your just like him and I hate you

    If you paid a little attention,
    you would see, your just like
    the man you despise,
    the way you talk and act, isnít by surprise.

    All I am to you is a piece of shit,
    I mean nothing to you,
    but then again,
    when you want or need something,
    I'm just it.

    I'm Tired of all your sorries,
    I'm tired of everything you do,
    Sorry donít mean anything
    Now your just like him and I hate you

    I'm always there,
    I do anything to get you what you want,
    But you donít give a shit,
    You just continue to taunt me, haunt me, pick me up, stomp me, pick up my remains and move on with your life.

    I'm Tired of all your sorries,
    I'm tired of everything you do,
    Sorry donít mean anything
    Now your just like him and I hate you





    Submitted on 2005-06-02 22:00:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your grammer and spelling needs some patching up there.. some parts were a bit unclear and others were perfectly clear on what your trying to get accross. Try using some more vocabulary, different and fresh words and connect with the meaning. Your work is good, just needs a bit of fixing up in some areas.
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by Enrichedbydeath | [ Reply to This ]
      tired is often repeated in these verses. Try adding "weary", "through with", "sick of", "angered at/with" Also i hate you can be played with as well by changing it to "can't stomach" also your should be you are/you're. Alot of feeling just brush it up a little and it can be great.
    | Posted on 2005-06-02 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]


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