The House with Two Doors by inkonspikuous

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Submission Name: The House with Two Doors dots

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Author:	inkonspikuous
ASL Info:	21/f/va
Elite Ratio:	5.94 - 76/74/26
Words:	203

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	245
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1356

Description:
Feedback? Tell me what you think..and tell me what you think I am trying to say..or what it says to you..eithers find. State of mind? I never really know. I was in the middle of a meeting when I wrote this.

The House with Two Doors dots

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There exists a door,
beautiful and radiant,
with more idealism than
a decision with no consequences.
Happiness is its name.
Its always an arrival
never a destination
because the coordinates
never stay the same,
and no matter what side you arrive on
the door always reads EXIT ONLY.
But just beyond the memories of happiness
and a few pens later,
there exists another door.
A door, gloomy and dark
with more realism than a child with no food.
It has no name, and before it you dont either.
And while your mind may blink remember that
it will adjust before the ink leaves your pen.
Sweet memories will give you nice thoughts,
and life will be something to dream about.
At least until the urge of the pen
and the call of the paper get louder,
and you are forced to account for your happiness
with the deadline of a lifetime quickly fleeing
only to notice the darkness prevents you
from seeing the paper.
That your pen had been jabbing through
the darkness all along tearing through your soul.
Mixing your past ideal memories with
your present realistic thoughts,
and sending them to the destination of your soul
at the house of poetry.

Submitted on 2005-06-03 13:47:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  What I think you are trying to say? ooh a challenge. lol

Well, I see in this that there is only one door to the realm of poetry, that there is a way to happiness that a poet can or must not cross.

I like the idea that you could burst through this door and experience pure bliss but instead you only get glimpses and then they fade as you pick up the pen to start to write and the misery all pours out onto the page.

The last few lines to me mean that although you have written what you believe to be just a piece of writing the words on the page are you, they are everything you are inside all mixed together and poured trough your pen tip like a coctail of life blended into something beautiful or even something mournful.

Was there supposed to be a stop after
"from seeing the paper"?
If so it doesn't seem to read right, the way I read it it could be clearer with another "seeing" there

"only to notice, the darkness prevents you
from seeing the paper,
Seeing that your pen had been jabbing through"

Did I read that part right?

AS for emotions, to me it feels that you were feeling at once proud and fed up of being a poet, that you wanted more, to be happy, but also wanted the skill of the pen

| Posted on 2007-02-09 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
  i enjoyed this poem. the subject matter, the furtive nature of happiness and i suppose the opposite of happiness, the darker passage of life. at first i suspected that the door imagery wasn't something that was going to be dazzlingly inventive but as i read on you won me over and it all came together beautifully right up to the last line. the need to write poetry and to express something elusive through the flow and various possibilities of words i think is something unique and the role of the poet or writer or artist in general is something we constantly seek to pin down. in short, to me this poem seeks to express the process of your writing and perhaps the need to seek a better understanding of yourself and the nature of time and life. am i on the right lines more or less? as for the quality of your writing it desires little more. the hightlight would be the tension and desperation of the chase (i suppose) as, 'you are forced to account for your happiness
with the deadline of a lifetime quickly fleeing
only to notice the darkness prevents you
from seeing the paper.'
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a good peice... the wing process very interstingly portrayed. The last 2 lines when you say "soul" twice.. creates a little redundancy.. I would change it. The relationship between pen, soul , and page was conveyed terrifically. The refelction of a poet, wrods upon thoughts... darkeness and happiness. the emoitns we attmept to capture. you nailed it
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
  To be honest, at certain points you lost me and it seemed to somehow that you wanted to pick me back up. but the more i read, the more i got lost and it's only until the last sentence that i got to understand or at least think i got to understand what it was really about.

You basically saying, poetry has two ways (doors) the sadness and happiness. I basically think you should of put the pen idea since the beginning and mix it up...cause it seems like there are these doors and the doors has turned into pens and so on. The idea is there but it needs to be expressed more openly...

Seems like you were in the meeting feeling bored trying to focus on whoever speaking and writing at the same times...there simply was some mixture in you piece.

but no worry about that. I overall think it's a good piece only there needs to be some spacing out such as stanzas...i'm sure you did not intend to just going on and on and on in one paragraph alone.

But overall...good work.
| Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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