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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Flames you adoredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 644
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 771



    Description:
       I am not so sure on this poem but I was trying to compare love to a non- living thing.I guess you can call it personification.Tell me what you think.You really have to read the poem in order for it to make since to you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFlames you adoredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love is like a great fire
    That you want to desire
    The colors bring lust
    And the flames you must trust
    Fuel is what we keep giving
    Because we need it for our living
    Sometimes it grows to a small flame
    Or grows until it cannot be tamed
    To some it's still innocent or nice
    When it burns you once or twice
    So when you decide to flick your lighter
    Know that its color can be more brighter
    When you want to strike that match
    Know that it's flames can't really be catched
    And especially on those cold winter nights
    When your looking for heat and light
    Know that love is like that great fire
    And it's something you want to desire.




    Submitted on 2005-06-04 03:38:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You have great illustrations. you made an effort to change the phrases that could have been the offending repeaters, well done, plus you have put a in buffer zone between those like words. overall: naturally flowing rhythms with some well thought out phraseology. three small forced rhymes but it is nothing compared to the greater impact of the poem.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      thinking! dont really know how to classify ur poem but its altogether u good work. d effort on ur part to rhyme is commendable but poetry is more than rhyming, d comparisons r awesome, but just a point of note: ''can not'' in d eight line is supposed to be a single word 'cannot'. besides, ur work is splendid.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by realpassion | [ Reply to This ]
      more brighter should be much brighter . . . but otherwise you really showed some character and your poems are very unique . . . you did a great job on the personification and this peice was an overall success for you . . . just pay more attention to grammar and it would have been perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by qtctgurl77 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know but I think a lot of times those that are burned by love are confusing love with lust. I say that because when the "love bug" bites ya just right you will be more than happy to stoke up the fire and walk directly into the flames. Well, that's my opinion anyway. Keep writ'n and if you get that writers block again just pop a top on a cold one and relax fer awhile and them words will come right back to ya!
    Take care,
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really sweet and I liked it a lot. There were a few t hings that weren't right about it however:

    Know that its color can be more brighter
    When you want to strike that match
    Know that it's flames can't really be catched

    Saying that something can be "more brighter" takes away from the poem and so does saying that something "can't really be catched". It should be "Know that its color can be brighter."
    and "Know that it's flames can't really be caught". Anyway good work and keep 'em coming!

    Karen
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by kp_2007 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like dthis ..you did a good job with the whole personification thing .. and ur right love is like fire it burns brightly and sometimes burns you but that doesnt make you stop wanting it now does it? also somethign to think about ... fire needs oxygen to keep burning ...we need oxygen to keep yearning for love.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      the rhyming and flow were great but not everything has to rhyme. ya know? you said that you wanted to compare it to an object or something non-living. well until i read it i was confused. i guess that sometimes the power of all the description and the actual poem that bring out the meaning. you did a great job.
    ~lauren
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by blahblahgurl | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey shombray
    I never thought of love as a flame before, but i guess your right, it is a flame that can not be tammed. The warmth you get from a flame is like love you desire the warmth your partner brings. You have changed my outlook on love for the better, this may sound really stupid, but lately ive been going through a rough stage with a guy and you have changed my prospective on him, love an what we had, you have helped me get through it. thankyou. I love your work i love how you describe everything, its wonderful
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by Natie | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem. I liked the whole comparison thing that you did. A few of your words didn't seem to fit with the style of the poem like:
    "To some its still innocent or nice,
    then it burns you once or twice."
    I don't know, the you worded that part seemed kind of "young". Anyway, that is just my opinion, and don't get me wrong, the poem was very well written. Great imagery and creativity.
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
      seems your getting alot of comments on this one and it is very good if anyone else said different ignore them lol this one ment alot to me and something i needed a little pick me up so you can call it lol keep up the good work
    kristen
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]


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