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    dots Submission Name: frozen tearsdots

    Author: webdevil
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 113/105/43
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 650
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341

       just a poem

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfrozen tearsdots

    I see the
    frozen tears you bear
    their blades cut my hear
    ignite compassion for you.

    For the story
    your lovely eyes tell
    is older than time
    the exponent of breath.

    And my soul trembles
    cries to comfort you
    show you the natural
    nature of our being.

    Submitted on 2005-06-04 09:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It doesnt really flow that well, i think that it has a good foundation but you still need to build on it. the rhyming scheme doesnt match throughout the poem. stick to one rhyming scheme and you should be alright.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by qtctgurl77 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that it has a good foundation but you still need to build on it and It doesnt really flow that well.hear? you mean hair? i thinkg that this is good dont get me wrong it just needs a little work. keep working on it and you will get it just right.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great start to an amazing poem. As the others have said, it doesn't flow all that well and hear instead of hair. But I really like what you have going here. Keep going and it'll be great!

    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by kp_2007 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this ...im not exactly sure why ...it doesnt flow perfectly but its not exactly just jumbled together. its one of those poems that good at the start but amazig with elaboration.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      it's pretty good, but some of the flow is a bit messed up. did you mean heart instead of hear? if you clean it up a bit it'll be great.

    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      it good and the whole thing is wonderful. it sounds as if you truely care about this person and you tried to help them . did they not accept your help? they should have because you sound like an amazing person. keep up the awesome writes.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]

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