[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: frozen tearsdots

    Author: webdevil
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 113/105/43
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 644
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341

       just a poem

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfrozen tearsdots

    I see the
    frozen tears you bear
    their blades cut my hear
    ignite compassion for you.

    For the story
    your lovely eyes tell
    is older than time
    the exponent of breath.

    And my soul trembles
    cries to comfort you
    show you the natural
    nature of our being.

    Submitted on 2005-06-04 09:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It doesnt really flow that well, i think that it has a good foundation but you still need to build on it. the rhyming scheme doesnt match throughout the poem. stick to one rhyming scheme and you should be alright.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by qtctgurl77 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that it has a good foundation but you still need to build on it and It doesnt really flow that well.hear? you mean hair? i thinkg that this is good dont get me wrong it just needs a little work. keep working on it and you will get it just right.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great start to an amazing poem. As the others have said, it doesn't flow all that well and hear instead of hair. But I really like what you have going here. Keep going and it'll be great!

    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by kp_2007 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this ...im not exactly sure why ...it doesnt flow perfectly but its not exactly just jumbled together. its one of those poems that good at the start but amazig with elaboration.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      it's pretty good, but some of the flow is a bit messed up. did you mean heart instead of hear? if you clean it up a bit it'll be great.

    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      it good and the whole thing is wonderful. it sounds as if you truely care about this person and you tried to help them . did they not accept your help? they should have because you sound like an amazing person. keep up the awesome writes.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]