Description: at first i wasnt gonna share this one cause it is very personal. in fact every time i read it i cry. it was the most darkest time in my life i would say. i lost my son for really no reason. but instead of doing what i had to do to get him back, instead i danced with the devil to h=try and hide the pain of losing the bestest friend i ever had my little boy jared. its not my usal style infact i would say its somthing i had to just let out.. but check it out, please
and tell me what u think
i am becoming tired of this place
im growing closer twords the end of my rope
i have lost all hope
no where to turn i start to slam dope
<so i sit here thinking of you
it hurts me more then life when i dont see you
i wish she knew how much i miss you>
i need to clear these issues one last time
get some closure for the mind
clear these issues feeling fine
cuz i can not stand my reality
i try to refrain from going insane
i miss my boy and im being stabbed by the pain
two visits, one year it becoming perfectly clear that becoming my father is growing near
i used to do drugs to get high
now i do them to get by
can someone please tell me why its so hard to stay high?
why my friends keep dying without saying goodbye?
why i lost my son?
why i constantly cry?
and how much i hate it when he says i love you daddy goodbye
its hard to cope , once again i turn to dope
my only friend with no 'r', my only hope
i need to clear these issues
need to clear these veins
feel this rage, these thoughts on this page
i miss my boy and im about to collapse in this cage
in this cell
my own created hell
god help me
"growing toward the end of your rope" is frightening and haunting as well. Losing hope and turning toward drugs goes hand in hand. losing someone be it by neglect or death is one of lifes emblamatic tragedies. The realization that the drugs are not getting you high anymore but merely just to get by, means to me that it ceased being fun and is a rock you hang around your neck. I connect ohhh so deeply with that being a former drug addict myself. you see yourself in a cell, trapped and alone but you do have the key to better yourself. the crying out to God means to me you are helpless to help yourself and are reaching out for something beyond you to help you. In all this you want to change that is your hope the sun on your horizon. overall a heartfelt tragic but hopeful account only because the need/want to change.
i'm not one of those people who cry a lot but when i read this i was pretty much on the verge of tears, this is a brilliant account of how you feel and you shud never be ashamed of it. i really, truely hope that things get better for you because you seem to be honestly trying to change, just hold on
I'm at no words right now. It seems like you really want him back. Perfect write, its very deep and personal. I can connect with your write because of things thats been happening in my family (deaths, etc.). Wow, just keep on writing. And your spelling was a little off, but still great write.