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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Restless_Heart
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 44/35/16
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1330



    Description:
       I want feedback, tell me what you think. I'm not sure exactly the state of mind I was in but I'm sure it was messed up so I apologize.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Black is the blood that sometimes flows through my veins.
    Sometimes bleeding is the only way to be sure,
    To be sure that I do still bleed.
    Red liquid is all it seems to be.
    No flavor, no taste, no other form or way.
    It goes through me yet rarely do I see it.
    It is me yet I never see it.
    When it flows its usually because of me.
    Never will you see the day that I do not question my origin.
    Once will you see me in pain,
    Never will I die.
    Life won't let me go.
    It keeps me in its hold, no matter how I go.
    Lifes will is strong enough to keep me,
    Even though I do not wish,
    Let the fluid of my body move,
    Flow onto the ground.
    Let it rush from my veins and let my body be cold.
    Numb is already my heart,
    Numb is my fate.
    For life is cold and everlasting.
    Let yourself not be consumed by it,
    For it soon will spit you out.
    You'll wish that never you felt the day you were born.
    Lived to be scorned.
    Death, you are not and have never been my enemy,
    For it has been you that I welcomed with open arms, ready to embrace.
    Now let me feel it,
    And never again shall you see me cry.



    Copywritten 2005




    Submitted on 2005-06-05 18:02:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      okay joe you complain about my spellin i am not the one to use "ye" in my writtings (LOL)

    it was different though i liked it very much of course i stole this one at that damn baseball game and i really liked it and i am glad you put it on here it really means alot.

    as you know i loved this piece and it was one of your best writes
    i just loved the comparisons and the structure in which you wrote this in it is very strong and meaningful

    very nice job joe

    Peace Out
    Samm R
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by Raven_s Miser | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok I changed my wording to as you say make it better. I'm not happy to change it but I think that to be a good writer and the reason I came here was to take and give critism. So thank you. I hope you all like t better.
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this but im confused about one thing...when you said that you will never die yet you welcome death...does that mean you want to die but cant?...otherwise it was good!
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by intoxicated411 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    61647

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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