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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: siroez
    ASL Info:    22/Male/WV
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 68/67/32
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 213
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1117



    Description:
       this was actually one of the 1st poems i wrote way back 4 years ago...tell me what ya think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    locked inside a prison of anger
    do i really love her ?
    pissed off at you for everything you’ve said
    i picture you with a f***ing hole through your head
    my emotions overfed and waiting for the end
    the way you want my heart to wont bend
    look at where i am where were you?
    i coulda used someone to f***ing talk to
    what gives you the idea something is wrong?
    ive felt this way for way to long
    f***ing trust me im fine
    with this my despise i will outline
    your stuck in my f***ing head
    between my thin lines you've misread
    all this i dread, now lost in a see of sorrow
    i don't really give a shit if there really is a tomorrow
    you and i we should be through
    you love me but i fucking hate you
    you've run circles around me
    open your f***ing eyes and see
    i don't really give a shit any more
    ive said all of this before
    evidentially you weren't f***ing listening
    open heart, eyes glistening
    blade to wrist
    cease to exist




    Submitted on 2005-06-05 19:12:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really tried to exstract a story from this and well this is what I got. Your girlfriend, or the way I see it, It could be a family member or someone else, has been with you for a long time and always liked you for who you are, and now they are worried about you, and they dont treat you the same way, and your sick of them caring so much. You never really liked this person anyway, so when they come around and stir up your [censored], you just hit the breaking point and decided to comitt suicide. I really like this poem, I've had similare exsperiances. Good write, I think I will check out some more of your work later.

    DiamondTears
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]
      it's great how much energy is flowing through this poem and when your pissed, i can here a few [censored]'s and [censored]'s but i also agree that it began to repeat a little too often
    "f***ing trust me im fine" don't put a curse before the verb it makes it sound funny

    on the whole a good poem with great energy, i love how personal it is.
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that the rymeing and the cursing dont complent each other...agresive poems dont have to ryhme...and i dont think this one needs it...also i think that the curseing it's self was a bit over the top...it would be better..one maybe two times...but five times in such a short poem is a bit redundent

    well thats what i think

    on the flipside
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]



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