Description: Any feedback is appreciated. Im not nesisarrily looking for critiques, I know my work isn't perfect, and never will be. If you feel like critiquing anyway that's fine too.
Im not going to say how I felt when I wrote this, I want YOU to feel however you feel when you read it without being influenced by how I felt. If that makes any sense. Thanks for reading.
Black and White Masquerade -------------------------------------------
Im sorry I didnít leave my heart
out in the open
I watch with no reaction
as you fade away
close the curtains
Im fighting a battle backstage
to keep myself from splitting apart
but the audience will just call me cold
I will fall
To embrace much more
I will laugh
instead of giving one last cry
the name I have grown accustomed to
I canít act this out anymore
reasons fade away
I canít give one last endeavor
I never received applause in the first place
the lights are too bright
and if I wore my heart on my sleeve
everyone would gasp
at itís ghastly color
the crackle of the gramophone
makes the scene too ironic
and it still isnít in tune
with this dance
the wooden floor is creaky
as I move to my own steps,
too slow to make sense
too dark for this play
put more effort into it
is what they all would say
but this set looks different in my eyes
and I can no longer act out this mockery
I blend into the dark background
and they watch with no reaction
as I fade away
"the lights are too bright and if I wore my heart on my sleeve everyone would gasp at itís ghastly color"
wow! i'm jealous i didnt come up with something like that! the whole poem was very good, but that stanza just jumped out at me and it's all i could focus on for the rest of the read. i've felt that way so many times and the emotion depicted in those words is overwhelming. very good job!
I loved your poem very much. I loved the description also. That is the description that would follow most of my poems here if only I hadnít been too lazy to wrote it. Sometimes I read other peoples poems without seeking any sense in it. I just read words, and listen to them in my head, Ďcause words are like music to me. And your poem sounds really good to me. But it could also have more than one meaning, that is what I like the most. Your poem reminded me of my own life. Iím disappointed, bitter, and pretending all the time. Acting cruel and heartless, but crying inside. But there is no other way, at least I donít know it.
Well done sir, well done. You have creatively expressed emotion into a piece of work that generally has been overused? Alright maybe not overused, but it's near that category Anyways You did well. Best of Luck Big Bill-
Part of this reminded me of the stage, and theater... While if i choose to look deeper revealed your other intentions. I liked that.it also reminded me of the things i've done that ... to others, have been calld shisty... invoked much ... but ill leave a space blank
i kinda understand the meaning of this...its prolly out in the open i just dont see it yet...it reminded me of my poem "rush" because of all the stage like wording...and the fading things...yea...theater...movies...this was good for all that i understand..love the line "i blend into the dark background"..
is this about putting yourself all out for someone only to be pushed aside?...just a guess