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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black and White Masqueradedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DisilusndDreamr
    ASL Info:    21/F/Az
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 105/85/24
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1242
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1307



    Description:
       Any feedback is appreciated. Im not nesisarrily looking for critiques, I know my work isn't perfect, and never will be. If you feel like critiquing anyway that's fine too.
    Im not going to say how I felt when I wrote this, I want YOU to feel however you feel when you read it without being influenced by how I felt. If that makes any sense. Thanks for reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack and White Masqueradedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Im sorry I didnít leave my heart
    out in the open
    I watch with no reaction
    as you fade away

    close the curtains
    Im fighting a battle backstage
    to keep myself from splitting apart
    but the audience will just call me cold

    I will fall
    To embrace much more
    I will laugh
    instead of giving one last cry

    misunderstood
    the name I have grown accustomed to

    I canít act this out anymore
    reasons fade away
    I canít give one last endeavor
    I never received applause in the first place

    the lights are too bright
    and if I wore my heart on my sleeve
    everyone would gasp
    at itís ghastly color

    the crackle of the gramophone
    makes the scene too ironic
    and it still isnít in tune
    with this dance

    the wooden floor is creaky
    as I move to my own steps,
    too slow to make sense
    too dark for this play

    put more effort into it
    is what they all would say
    but this set looks different in my eyes
    and I can no longer act out this mockery

    I blend into the dark background
    and they watch with no reaction
    as I fade away




    Submitted on 2005-06-05 23:36:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "the lights are too bright
    and if I wore my heart on my sleeve
    everyone would gasp
    at itís ghastly color"

    wow! i'm jealous i didnt come up with something like that! the whole poem was very good, but that stanza just jumped out at me and it's all i could focus on for the rest of the read. i've felt that way so many times and the emotion depicted in those words is overwhelming. very good job!
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by xvacantxskiesx | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved your poem very much.
    I loved the description also. That is the description that would follow most of my poems here if only I hadnít been too lazy to wrote it.
    Sometimes I read other peoples poems without seeking any sense in it. I just read words, and listen to them in my head, Ďcause words are like music to me. And your poem sounds really good to me. But it could also have more than one meaning, that is what I like the most. Your poem reminded me of my own life. Iím disappointed, bitter, and pretending all the time. Acting cruel and heartless, but crying inside. But there is no other way, at least I donít know it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really a great peice here. If you tweaked it a littler here and there maybe it would be better. Just my thoughts. But all around it was good. I loved your flow as well...

    Love from Within
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]
      Well done sir, well done.
    You have creatively expressed emotion into a piece of work that generally has been overused?
    Alright maybe not overused, but it's near that category
    Anyways
    You did well.
    Best of Luck
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great. the imaginary was perfect-

    "Black and White Masquerade
    -

    Im sorry I didnít leave my heart
    out in the open
    I watch with no reaction
    as you fade away

    close the curtains
    Im fighting a battle backstage
    to keep myself from splitting apart
    but the audience will just call me cold "

    powerfully true.. in every sence. heartwrenching.

    "the crackle of the gramophone
    makes the scene too ironic
    and it still isnít in tune
    with this dance"

    i love this line, i dont know why..

    "the wooden floor is creaky
    as I move to my own steps,
    too slow to make sense
    too dark for this play"

    hmm.. i like this one too. its just soo real.

    "I blend into the dark background
    and they watch with no reaction
    as I fade away"

    and the ending.. perfect.
    great job-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      Part of this reminded me of the stage, and theater... While if i choose to look deeper revealed your other intentions. I liked that.it also reminded me of the things i've done that ... to others, have been calld shisty... invoked much ... but ill leave a space blank
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      i kinda understand the meaning of this...its prolly out in the open i just dont see it yet...it reminded me of my poem "rush" because of all the stage like wording...and the fading things...yea...theater...movies...this was good for all that i understand..love the line "i blend into the dark background"..

    is this about putting yourself all out for someone only to be pushed aside?...just a guess

    thanx for the comment on second truth

    rhaine
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    61691

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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