Feline Terror by lenotoire

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Submission Name: Feline Terror dots

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Author:	lenotoire
ASL Info:	32/F/Northern Michigan
Elite Ratio:	8 - 466/177/22
Words:	125

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	355
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	742

Description:
This is another of my firsts, written long ago.

Feline Terror dots

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As the midnight moon casts its shallow light,
and the wind whispers low in despair,
It will come.
Lurking in the shadows like some ghastly beast,
hidden, it will ready for attack.

But I will hear it.
Hear the soft chime of the metal circling its throat,
and I'll wait.
Wait for it to sink its claws into my flesh,
in the ritual that has plagued my nights.
And if I move, I'm sure to bleed.

It will move over me, its weight suffocating,
as it settles on my chest and I stare into its eyes.
Menacing in the faint light of the moon,
it will bare its fangs in a mighty yawn, start to purr
then settle into sleep.

Submitted on 2005-06-06 01:14:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hee hee! This is a cute poem. I like the humor of this. Even though I am not much of a cat person, I am a dog lover at heart, I enjoyed this poem. And dont get me wrong, I have a soft spot for all animals, I always have and will do anything to help them. But cats upset me a bit because they are murderers! And not because they are hungry and need to eat, but because they are bored and need some amusement. But, anyway, I suppose it's not their fault, they were made that way haha! Anyway, this is a good poem. You have used some good descriptions to allow the reader to see this scene and I think all cat lovers can surely relate to this experience. Nice write. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  You came up in my random user search:) and I was skimming through your submissions when 'feline' caught my eye. Yeah, i'm a sucker for cats...I've only ever hated one cat...the one that ate my two day old kitten...:(
Anyway, back to the poem. I admired that the fact that you could interpret the poem to mean different things. But taking into account the original interpretation, I think you've summed up quite nicely what it's like to have a cat in your room at night. Cat lovers will instanly begin to reminisce about the time when...(did I tell you about two kittens I had? They'd just learnt to run about, used to sleep in my bed with me, on my stomach, would wake up at dawn each day and go INSANE? claw the sheets, my stomach, race across the room ...)
And cat haters will probably find another reason to stay away from them.

I particularly liked the way you alternated sentence length in

'But I will hear it.
Hear the soft chime of the metal circling its throat,
and I'll wait.
Wait for it to sink its claws into my flesh'

nicee!!
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by cabbalistic | [ Reply to This ]
  aww cats are so precious. i had one his name was midnight sadly i left him back in missouri. he was my gaurdian of the night. i didnt feel alone with him around. especially when my wife moved out, i always had my cat there with me. dang i wish he was here.
i like the humor in this its very dark and heart warming at the same time. the mischief that cats get into only make them more cute and lovable, wouldnt you agree? very nicely done,
mike
| Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  A nice cat poem for the feline afficinadoes, of whom there are many including myself. You make good use of melodrama and anticlimax to produce an engaging, humorous poem which nevertheless betrays your underlying love of animals. I inherited my daughter's cat (The Sascha of my poem CATASTROPHE) which serenades the fridge door incessantly until the fridge can stand her noise no longer and obliges her. She is an indoor cat, which means that she ignores the catflap and defecates in the shower box. Could be worse I suppose. And at nighttime when you are fast asleep, she will bite your thumb or pounce on your toes should they protrude from the duvet. Sorry, I'm raving on, but your poem got me going as a good poem should.
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so much like my cat, Naughty! She will wait until right before I sink into oblivion and the go rip-tearing across the bed, ususally to stop right on my face! You have definately caught the terror (hehe) of the feline species. They have us trained well. I liked the forshadowing:

"But I will hear it.
Hear the soft chime of the metal circling its throat,"

And then the confirmation:
Menacing in the faint light of the moon,
it will bare its fangs in a mighty yawn, start to purr
then settle into sleep"

Well written for an earlier piece. I could really see the picture you were portraying. I'm sure all cat lovers will enjoy this. (And it will make all dog lovers love their dogs more.)

Thanks for sharing,
-Chell-
| Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  -giggles- this is great. The picture you paint is so captivating that you don't really notice the rhythm/structure, which is always the mark of a good poem :) I like the way you start with 2 lines of relatively lengthy description, followed by a brief line, full of menace -

As the midnight moon casts its shallow light,
and the wind whispers low in despair,
It will come.

I like the title, but possibly it takes away from the mystery of the poem - if you want to increase the suspense a bit, it might be better having a slightly more obscure title.

Xaphy
| Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Xaphy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm, Chell is spot on, I do love dogs more after reading this

But that aside, this is a really good piece of writing....it captures the terror of the title...builds up the tension, only to 'purr then settle into sleep'

I really like the ambiguity of the piece as well - it could be cats, it could be memories, anything that has a hold of the narrator, and the ability to make him fear....like a cat toying with a mouse, your memories are toying with you...but let go as you finally dift into sleep...

Great poem, thanks for the read

All the best,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
  lol that is soo my cat Sapphire that insists on sleeping on my head! But I also share my home with two other cats that seem to think nighttime is when the Indy 500 season opens in my home. My lullabye is claws ripping into carpet and the occasional crash. Great read!
Traci :)
| Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good one Crystal. I think Xaphy's right; it may be have been more suspenseful with a different title.

As Chell mentioned Naughty is good at trying to sleep on her 'mom'. She's given it up with me.

Doesn't stop her from running drag races across me in the middle of the night, though!

Steve
| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  this made me think of my cat Wizard who likes to park her very large self right on my chest... this is very menacing, and i imagined this large tomcat stalking in the dark.. then he turns out to be just a purring pussycat!

peace&kitties,
~Cat
| Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]

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