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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kiss Of Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Podenco del infierno
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 205/195/38
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 1060
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1424



    Description:
       just something i came up with one day...i think it is okay...what do you think...?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKiss Of Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look into your eyes,
    You are my life.
    I hold you tight,
    Running my hands through your dark,
    Silky hair.
    Whispering to you,
    "Everything wil be alright."
    You become confused.
    I can feel fear through your skin,
    Yet you do not push away.
    I look into your eyes.
    Your beutiful dark eyes,
    So innocent and fragile.
    With a seducing gaze from my eyes,
    I softly smile.
    I pull your neck to my lips.
    Softly I start to kiss you,
    And you are no longer filled with fear,
    But a feeling of ecstasy.

    The bright moon appears behind dark clouds.
    I look at the silver sun,
    You are my life.
    Softly,
    Razor sharp teeth,
    Puncture your neck.
    And you become lost in yourself.
    I take into my body,
    Your life.
    You grow weak.
    But soon enough,
    You will again be strong.

    Blood trickles down your neck,
    As I pull away from you.
    I look into your eyes,
    And you softly fall to the ground.
    I kneel down beside you,
    Licking off of my lips,
    The final taste of your blood.
    I whisper into your ear
    As you slowly drift away,
    "Everything will be alright,
    I have given you the Kiss Of Death,
    For tomorrow,
    You will wake up dead."




    Submitted on 2005-06-06 11:44:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well I like it.

    Softly,
    Razor sharp teeth,
    Puncture your neck.
    And you become lost in yourself

    I think that this is the best part...it makes me think that he is in love with her before he gives her this dark gift, I don't know I guess I am just a silly girl and this part really spoke to me.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      thatís cool, beautiful, how sweet it is, so descriptive...it's comforting for some reason, well done, the flow of it was excellent, its strange, but in a good way, great job :)
    Sincerely Deserted
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Deserted | [ Reply to This ]
      intresting... the flow, like deserted said, was great, a little confusing, but that could just be me. But, i like the genre, most people can't get the whole vampire thing down. It's especially complicated when you're trying to write poetry. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by PsychoBabble214 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting pick of genre. I haven't seen any good poetry/prose/anything based on vampires. It's finally nice to see something made good of the name. :]. I liked the flow and how you were able to describe what was happening so clearly. I suddenly became much more calm and soothed after reading this. Why? Because I really liked the idea behind this. It's become another victim to my favorite list. Great write. Hope to hear more from you.

    Take. Care.

    -bianca
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by binkerz | [ Reply to This ]
      *happy dance* ..nothing quite like romantic vampire poems ...This is really well written actually ...The main character had such an evil/sweet feeling all through this ..I just love it ....good job
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      waz! that was great.. bravo... more detail would have been nice, i liked it, some spelling errors, but we're human so it doesn't matter.

    See I love the whole vampire thing, it's cool. I once tried to write something that dealt with vampires, but I'm to hard on myself and it didnt' work for me.. keep writing.

    fav part:

    Softly,
    Razor sharp teeth,
    Puncture your neck.
    And you become lost in yourself.
    I take into my body,
    Your life.

    and

    As I pull away from you.
    I look into your eyes,
    And you softly fall to the ground.
    I kneel down beside you,
    Licking off of my lips,
    The final taste of your blood.

    Wisdom
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by darkwisdom623 | [ Reply to This ]
      I've already read this before, but i'll comment anyway...I think it's really great...there's a lot of imagery and the wording and flow make it really beautiful....I really enjoyed your choice of subject...sorry i don't have any helpful suggestions...keep up the great work
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]


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