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    dots Submission Name: A New Beginningdots

    Author: SorrowfulMind
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Alton, IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 27/39/13
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1130
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 464

       I don't actually remember where this poem came from.. I was sitting in the bleachers at a basketball game and it came to me. This is the very first poem that I ever wrote, so go easy on me.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA New Beginningdots

    To no one in particular
    She yells at while she cries,
    And, as she screams in anger,
    She brings tears to other eyes.

    And, yet, through light green painted walls
    And apples on the door,
    They still can feel the pain she feels,
    Stronger than before.

    And, as the young girl lays asleep,
    A brand new day begins.
    The sun shines through her window.
    She wakes up and starts again.

    Submitted on 2005-06-07 01:27:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Is this a write about tommorow could be a better day? That's what I got from it, maybe you don't know, but your selfconcious mind was wondering about the next day of a bad day. I don't know, lol. It's an alright poem if it was a little longer it would have had a better impact on me.
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by Abort_Chaotic | [ Reply to This ]
      And, as the young girl lays asleep,
    A brand new day begins.
    The sun shines through her window.
    She wakes up and starts again

    you started off real good, but you didnt finish to strong.. you left people hanging on with questions about the girl and her feelings and what tommorow will bring.. this is good in a way, but you need to finish the topic strongly, this will have the reader feeling satisfied after reading it..
    but again writing is not about what people think about your pieces,its about what you feel and how you feel like describing your emotions about a certain subject.. so keep doing what you do, and dont let anybody change that, as well as i will do the same
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]

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