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    dots Submission Name: Suicidedots

    Author: Orin
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 93/97/43
    Words: 534
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 1398
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3000

       Something I scribbled.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Through the lines of scars on your wrists the paramedic tries to find your pulse. It’s there. Weak, but it’s there. Seven minutes ago someone called 911. You’ve thought about it for a while, and finally decided to do it. Congratulations. Twenty three little round pills with V-shaped holes in them that look kind of like hearts. You felt so relieved when you finally popped them, and chased the bunch with a shot of absinthe that your brother got you for your birthday. What a sweetheart he is. All star athlete, A+ student, one of the most popular kids in school. Why couldn’t you be more like him? You’ve always wondered why your parents never liked you. Well…it was because you had to measure up to someone like him. At least you never felt any resentment towards him for it. Just your mom and dad. They were the evil ones. The assholes that ruined your life. Never let you go out with your friends, never gave you money, never took you shopping. Not at all the way they treated him… I suppose these things happen. Build up a lot of anger, resentment, you start feeling like nobody understands you. They don’t. Everybody else has normal lives. They have their girlfriend or boyfriend that they’re happy with. They have great relationships with their parents. They have their steady jobs, the car they got as a graduation present. They’ve got lots of friends and they spend weekends camping. It’s just you, though. You’re all alone in this world. You and your problems. Your tear-stained pillow. Your journal with all the hateful writing in it. Your poetry about how you want to slit your wrists. The razor blade you hide in the top drawer of your desk. The Manson cds.
    The paramedic wants to save your life. Why? Doesn’t he realize there’s nothing to it? It’s shallow and empty. You’re like a shell. Nothing more. You put on the happy face when you’re hanging out with your friends, that can’t wait to go and chat with their friends about how much of a bitch you are. You try to pretend nothing is wrong. When inside, you’re boiling. You just want to scream until your lungs explode out of your chest. “Why doesn’t anybody care!?” Well…because you’re useless. You’ve created nothing. You’ve spent your life just being pissed off. Maybe, just maybe, someday you’d become what you want to be. Whatever that is. A writer, an artist, a musician…nobody but you knows. Nobody but you cares. But I guess we’ll never know now, will we? The paramedics rushed you to the hospital, pumped your stomach…a most excruciating experience to go through if you’re conscious. You weren’t though, so it’s ok. Well. You got what you wanted, I suppose. Is it as good as you thought it would be, death? Most people think there’s something that comes after. Is there? I suppose for me, there’s only one way to find out. But I’ll wait. There’s too much to do before I follow you. I have a life to live before I die. Maybe someday I’ll become a writer, an artist, a musician. But nobody knows. Nobody cares.

    Submitted on 2005-06-07 12:35:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You know, I related to this piece because of how many times I have wanted to say this stuff to my old friend, how many times have I just wanted to scream at him that yes I agree he is useless piece of [censored] that no one cares about and if he killed himself then the world would probably be a better place with out him. but being the decent human being that i am, i stayed quiet, i consoled him until the next weekend when he got drunk, depressed and tried it again. Finally I told him straight that i knew why he was doing this, that he was only trying to pull me aawy from my other friends but in reality he was pushing me away from him, and that I no longer wanted to speak with him that I did not love him the way he so blatantly loved me although he tried to hide it.

    I am definately adding this to my favourites.

    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, very powerful. you captured alot of emotion and asked alot of questions. ones that people ask to themselves everyday. even they answer it themselves. which you did a great job of brining out.
    this piece holds alot in it. and the ending was perfect-
    great job-
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good explains all the downfalls and shortfalls of life to me suicide is like running away from yourself i have known many people to take there life and i no people that should pull the trigger anyway life is what you make it
    good write and enjoyable read
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this write and it sounds as if it came from the heart and i know that you are a great writer. i think that you just need to let go of the anger. just a little at a time because if you let it all out, i think you might hurt something, or worse, someone. i think that, honestly, that anger is covering something else. maybe its not your parents that you are mad a... maybe its something else and you need to point the anger at them so you actually have something to point it at. maybe its a lot of things. i don't know but i truly think that you are covering a lot of sadness under your anger and rage. well, keep up the awesome writes and self control keeping you from doing something crazy. wonderful read.
    love tina
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful, and very well written. There's not much I can say, because I'll just sound like an echo to another comments. So I'll just say this: You've managed to capture the situation greatly (personal experience, perhaps?) People ask these questions day after day, then turn to others for answers. But the answers aren't there, leaving those seeking them...empty. If only more could see that they are who they want to be. This was a good write, I really hope nothing like this happens(ed) to you
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      you ahve a reason to live, even though it doesnt seem like it. you cant follow the person who chased death so quickley, who stauked Him and thought abut him so much, that in the end followed Him. Life....its hard. something that cant be explained, cant be understood. some people live their lives trying so hard to understnad it that they give up on it. To them, its meaningless becuase they cannot grasp the meaning. again, i liked this...i know the feeling that noone cares. even though there are some who do. sometimes no matter how much they tell you that someone cares it doesnt sink in. and then people get mad at you for not trying harder....you have a lot of good writes. thanks for sharing, i like your work. if you have time, stop by. good job, ~ Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]

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