Description: Every now and again we may find ourselves evaluating our lives and what it is that we want to give. This poem is a reflection of one of those moments. Standing at the ledge of yet another Birthday. Trying to find the Face Within. It is a first draft. I hope you like it.....Chris
The edge of a knife
Standing on the ledge looking.....
Traveling back in time
Divided by time
Seperated by desire
Wandering the streets
Passed by society
ignored by all.....
Touched forever by time
The imagery is potent and the feeling of marginalization is strong. So to are the outsider threads running through the poem. Some of the meaning is dependant on your statement and on your next draft you mite consider putting a reference to milestones or another notch on the belt something to clue the reader in that this thought tangent is caused by a crossroads contemplation. I would also consider including imagery of the marginal existence afforded by such a life as a perspective point for the future to come. Let me know when you have thenext draft and I have a look again.
This reminded me of a movie called "the razors edge" based on a book.. based on a saying.. "the road to meaning is a razors edge" meaning that its difficult to find meaning in life. Your poem didnt really capture this.. but then again you may never have heard of this saying before.. Your poem for me felt like you were feeling disconnected from the world.. in a crowd of people but still alone. I get this too.. nice to know someone else feels this way... so.. are we really alone? I would say so.. evaluating our life is something personal yes?.. Usually its a positive thing.. but why does it always feel so depressing? When that next birthday comes around its always there.. What am i doing with my life?.. Anyway.. a few good lines in there.. "divided by time" I guess means looking at the past and looking to the future.. To be honest the poem itself is nothing awesome.. but the thoughts are familiar.. thats what caught my attention.. good luck.. And remember .. Failure is being successful at the wrong things. Shaun
what an awful feeling, really, damn...I have known someone that stared at the edges of the clock, the fine points of the metal hands..way too long, till their eyes became bloodshot and absorbed with doubt and wet pillows, its sad, but it can all turn around with enough slaps from the people who not only care, but believe that the person is capable of so much, not yet acheived..yep...great read, my friend