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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Something Elaborately Simpledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnspokenDreamer
    ASL Info:    21
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 542/753/205
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1350
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 534



    Description:
       I couldn't think of how to say it, Rachel did it for me.

    "And it can be used in so many different ways. Obviously, you're talking about poetry, about writing what you want. But it's true in so many other aspects of life that we get caught up in stereotypes, in little molds, subtly trying to be a tad different for this person, and a little different for that person. Humanity aims to please, and we all conform in one way or another...and you spoke that in this piece. ~Rachel~"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomething Elaborately Simpledots
    -------------------------------------------


    The fake poet
    Writing and wondering
    Trying so desperately to impress
    Somehow you forgot
    You're not writing for them
    It's not supposed to be that way
    So unfold your elaborate nonsense
    Strike down the evil temptations of what "they" want to hear
    Open the doors to your heart
    Let breathe the long lost imagination
    That you have posessed since the day of your creation
    Never again let the world set limitation
    Poetry is yours




    Submitted on 2005-06-07 20:53:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can't believe I'd never read this one. But, I'm oh so glad that I have now.


    'Let breathe the long lost imagination That you have posessed since the day of your creation'

    Believe it or not, I had to think about that. How long had I myself been holding my breath? How long will I, or anyone else for that matter allow our true selves to break free and 'breathe' as you put it....?

    This piece is amazingly simple, but yet so full of truth. And though the words are words we read every day, they have so much more meaning when put together in a way such as this.

    As I've always said, the Lord is my oxygen, and this reminded me of that.

    Thanks for the post it reminder ;)


    In the blink of an eye,

    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      This was alright, no offense or anything i just thought it could have been a little better. (but in truth, what CAN'T be improved upon?) There was however, a very good point made, i just think the way it was presented could have been cleaned up a bit. When we start showing off too much for the surface level and what everyone else sees, we tend to lose sight of what it was that WE ( as the writer) originally saw. What the world expects of us, shouldn't be what we come to base ourselves upon- for what are we then when they feel let down? very nice write, I'll be sure to take a look at some of your other writing.
    ->in death's sweetest despair,
    ~jess~
    | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really awesome, i think we all can relate. but you said it in a very personal way. thanks for sharing what we've all been trying to say. me gusta!
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by hmmmm... | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. lets see.. my favorite part was:

    "The fake poet
    Writing and wondering
    Trying so desperately to impress
    Somehow you forgot
    Your not writing for them
    It's not supposed to be that way
    So unfold your elaborate nonsense
    Strike down the evil temptations of what "they" want to hear
    Open the doors to your heart
    Let breathe the long lost imagination that you have posessed since the day of your creation
    Never again let the world set limitation
    Poetry is yours"

    the whole entire freaking thing.. yea, that's right, i said freaking..
    it is rather sad how we let ourselves get trapped in the world's expectations for our words..
    this is so going on my favorites list.

    -rhiannon
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by fallingingreen | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo ooo ooo *jumps up and down like a lil weevil* This was Fanbloodytastic! I won't use such profance words like "freaking" lol.
    No, really, this was seriously good. Any writer who's been writing for more then a few months will get this...and the longer one has been writing, the more they will understand the significance of this piece. And it can be used in so many different ways. Obviously, you're talking about poetry, about writing what you want. But it's true in so many other aspects of life that we get caught up in stereotypes, in little molds, subtly trying to be a tad different for this person, and a little different for that person. Humanity aims to please, and we all conform in one way or another...and you spoke that in this piece. I need to catch up on your work. I've only read a few pieces, but I've always been so impressed with your work. To the faves this goes. Awesome work. Be well
    ~Rachel~
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      Hay hay hay, this is good. You took what we as poets all new to be true and made it into what no one else could. I think that perhaps (even though I loved reading it) that this peice would have been much more powerful if you never submitted it. If you just wrote it and never let an eye see it then this would be so much better because you would be actually living the poem. You would have truly written it for yourself. I have so much work that I have never shown a single soul and I attend to keep it that way. I did really like your poem though, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-06-07 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot Tom.

    "Poetry is yours"

    In some ways this site is a spectacular positive force. It provides a way for writers to meet other writers, a site to publicly expose our work and sometimes a place for us to laugh or to cry.

    But some parts of this site are not so positive. There's a constant push to critique everything, to ficx it, to point out where it's wrong. All of that misses one point. Poetry isn't about impressing the reader. It's about writing what you feel and communicating that to others.

    "Never again let the world set limitation
    Poetry is yours"

    I positively adored it.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic stuff, Tom.....Passionate and sincere and striking...

    The fact that you have managed to give this piece an air of ambiguity is even better - it isnt just about writing, its about everything, all the choices we make in life, and how we should apply the passion, deliberation and sincerity we have for writing to all aspects of our lives...

    And the 'fake poets' struggle through life, trying to fit into moulds that arent made for them, writing not their life, but a life that is seen for them...

    Teeny spelling mistake in L5 - "your" should be 'You're"

    Great work...really

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem tells all of us, Hey, write what we feel, write what we believe in. You have given us that freedom with this poem. No more setting limitations on us, we are the dreamers, and to heck with those who don't have dreams.

    Thank you for the beauty and faith you inspired in all of us with this piece.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      So true. I loved this whole "freaking" thing as well. I am really impressed with the few poems I have read of yours. I can totally relate to this. Its actually really relevent to what I have been writing lately. I wrote a poem that someone I really respect worshiped, and now everything I write doesn't measure up. Anyways this is great stuff. Into the favorites vault. Take care.
    -Katj
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Katj | [ Reply to This ]
      You make a great point in this poem. Poetry is meaningless if it has no feeling. If you write something just to please people, your heart is not in it, and the heart is what makes writing powerful. The passion, the ability to express yourself through words.. getting so caught up in thinking "will people like this?" weakens the poem and the message you are trying to send.

    This is an excellent write, though if I may say one thing about grammer,

    Let breathe the long lost imagination
    That you have posessed since the day of your creation
    Never again let the world set limitation

    The way these 3 lines go out of the free-verse pattern into rhyming doesn't really fit, and kind of throws off the flow of the poem. It also kinda makes it sound like a rap (it reminds me of Bow Wow's "Let's Get Down"

    looks like a tight situation
    you make a young man make flight reservations
    just step, no intimidations
    I'm bow wow boo
    accept no imitations

    No, I totally don't have that memorized and I'm sure you didn't expect Lil Bow Wow to be in a comment... but obviously me thinking of that threw me off track of the meaning of your poem, though your words are much better :)

    So anyways, just a suggestion, you don't have to change it if you don't want to - it's your poem and it IS well written. Overall, nice job!

    ~Cari
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]


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    61917

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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