I love your writing style. You write similar to me, I think. I am adding you to my stalking list... Great vividry here. The fireflies marching... very cool. I love the whisical style you use to express something obviously hurtful. Great write...
I have a brother and I cannot really relae to being alone because, well he never leaves...but he is indeed a good friend of mine and if he ever did leave, I don't know what I'd do...so, you just hang in there, time will pass and then he'll be back. Good write and keep up the good work...
There's some nice imagery in this, but you need to check your grammar and spelling. I think you mean passed in line one. You also misspelled coherent, and I think it should be "that only he and I can see." In "he is happy almost content," you need a comma between happy and almost. I'd divide "I look over now and all/ I see is an empty seat" like "I look over now/ and all I see is an empty seat." I'm not sure that I understand "his eyes laced with work induced tired, smoke." Maybe you mean "his eyes laden with work induced tired smoke." I guess it's just a surreal image, but I don't think you need the comma.
I'm close to my brother too. He just split with his wife, and it kills me to see him so down.
I love the images here and the idea of your sharing poetry together. My best friends and my lover do so too with me. I can understand why you miss him. And it's just a short scene in an auto, one that says "this is what poetry is supposed to be"to me. I can't think of any crticism for this one, it all fits and all is needed. So glad I came to read, thanks for sharing. peace and love, nansofast
Submission Name: the end of spring
