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    dots Submission Name: Curse of Venusdots

    Author: shoggoth
    ASL Info:    24/m/croatia
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 80/84/30
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701

       I left the last stanza missing in order to make it more like real life...her night's gone and that's it!

    Special thanks to Rue!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCurse of Venusdots

    Curse of Venus

    On the sound of pounding bells
    Breaking dawn proudly rides
    The Sun creates a coppered vault
    On which the life of morning strides
    But disbalance of this sight appears
    So discordant, yet so small
    While reason halts and senses fail
    A closer look reveals it all

    A lonely flash smothered by day's light
    An orphan star forsaken by the night
    Once it shone a light so bright
    But of the star the night lost sight

    Cursed Venus now grieves and mourns
    For the wretched misdeed has been done
    More dark nights will surely pass
    But hers, in truth, was only one

    Submitted on 2005-06-08 11:53:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      slides should be strides. I think it would sound more regal and stimulate more imaging. Everyone has their poems with the night light fight bright height sight kite might tight words, eh? Right. Heh. It's just a rhyme with so many demensions. Good for poetry. And good for poetry assignments, when you're not really into it, and need a quick rhyme scheme. Another spiffy write man. Impressive. Peace.-rue
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i liked this alot!
    great imaginary, it was so real. i dont know what else to say.
    The begining was slightly confussing, but by the end it all just fell into place. And i loved the ending! perfect-
    Great job!-
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a really good poem, I loved the way it all flowed together and the images it brought to my mind. hope to read more from you someday

    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting poem it has a great rythym and very original. I think you should work on your grammer for example it is halts not haults. You give great describing words in the poem and you can imagine it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by sheltie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the premise 4 this piece & how you presented the interesting story in verse.

    I liked your description as well as it made the ending even better!

    Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good, its shirt simple and rhymes. nice flowage and usage of words. i had to read this about three times , and i must say i like the images that come to mind. good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]

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