Curse of Venus by shoggoth

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Curse of Venus dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	shoggoth
ASL Info:	21/m/croatia
Elite Ratio:	4.71 - 78/84/30
Words:	107

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	335
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	701

Description:
I left the last stanza missing in order to make it more like real life...her night's gone and that's it!

Special thanks to Rue!

Curse of Venus dots

-------------------------------------------

Curse of Venus

On the sound of pounding bells
Breaking dawn proudly rides
The Sun creates a coppered vault
On which the life of morning strides
But disbalance of this sight appears
So discordant, yet so small
While reason halts and senses fail
A closer look reveals it all

A lonely flash smothered by day's light
An orphan star forsaken by the night
Once it shone a light so bright
But of the star the night lost sight

Cursed Venus now grieves and mourns
For the wretched misdeed has been done
More dark nights will surely pass
But hers, in truth, was only one

Submitted on 2005-06-08 11:53:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  slides should be strides. I think it would sound more regal and stimulate more imaging. Everyone has their poems with the night light fight bright height sight kite might tight words, eh? Right. Heh. It's just a rhyme with so many demensions. Good for poetry. And good for poetry assignments, when you're not really into it, and need a quick rhyme scheme. Another spiffy write man. Impressive. Peace.-rue
| Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, i liked this alot!
great imaginary, it was so real. i dont know what else to say.
The begining was slightly confussing, but by the end it all just fell into place. And i loved the ending! perfect-
Great job!-
jennifer
| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a really good poem, I loved the way it all flowed together and the images it brought to my mind. hope to read more from you someday

Akili
| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting poem it has a great rythym and very original. I think you should work on your grammer for example it is halts not haults. You give great describing words in the poem and you can imagine it.
| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by sheltie | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked the premise 4 this piece & how you presented the interesting story in verse.

I liked your description as well as it made the ending even better!

Great job!
Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  this is good, its shirt simple and rhymes. nice flowage and usage of words. i had to read this about three times , and i must say i like the images that come to mind. good poem.
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.