very nice so true to life some people cant or dont like the truth and are alwaz eager to take someone else apart instead i would like to dedicate your thought to them very well said thanx for your coment on sandmans prayer this is about me and my people whom i love no imagination 5 minutes deep in my soul this is the ending of 4 years of poetry i am releasing 4 books in 2006 and all proceeds will be given to my siblings and loved ones upon the death of sandman thanx again sandman
Sharon, I liked this piece and thought your wording and ideas were very creative. For instance;
"Render it shy, till facts denote" is an interesting way of expressing Keep it quiet until the truth come out.
Should it take courage or wisdom to be legally bold? I like this too, but I'm not sure about "legally". That makes it sound well legal rather than moral - Perhaps "Morally bold" might be an alternative. Anyway very nice write~! :)
i thought this was creative and definitely had some quality writing to it. the only problem for me is the ryhme scheme. i think that when every line ryhmes it takes away from the piece itself. almost seeming kind of forced. rhyme schemes are great , but i think this poem would be a lot better with a more complex one
Saveddragon, I can relate. I believe this poem is perfected to a degree. I donot believe you need a more complex rhyming scheme. I donot believe that any wording in any way could be considered misplaced, At least by myself(The neander'er). I enjoy the line, 'It's put in a bottle, and placed on a shelf Then you lie, but only to hurt yourself', best. Best wishes and godspeed you young sorceress of written word.
Interesting, definitly not one I have seen around here. As for the rhyme scheme, gah..I could never rhyme without it sounding forced. But you don't sound forced at all. The rhyming scheme is nice, and i agree with ratio, those two lines are the best. Good job ~Kat
"It's put in a bottle, and placed on a shelf Then you lie, but only to hurt yourself" My sentiments exactly! I agree with the message this poem expresses... I rememeber reading a quote that went something like: "If you tell the truth, then you don't have anything to remember." Meaning, if you're honest, you don't have to be burdened with keeping track of your lies... Your poem reiterates that! Thanks for sharing!