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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Perfect Feardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SavedDragon
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 303/258/85
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1444
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Perfect Feardots
    -------------------------------------------


    The truth is the perfect fear
    We shut our eyes and block our ears

    We all have lied and remember the quotes
    We open our mouth and the facts denote

    It may seem unfair with the spout of the words
    It may be despised but the truth should be heard

    It can be put in a bottle and placed on a shelf
    To withhold the truth is to harm yourself

    It may take courage to be morally bold
    Pain soon would build up if the truth not were told

    Misunderstood, the truth is the art of confessing
    Some find it a burden, some find it a blessing.




    Submitted on 2005-06-08 15:43:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow, like most other readers, lol, anyway real good poem, and u made something that i wouldnt think was possible... usually Id say to changeyour poem to this:

    The truth,
    the unperfected fear
    We close our eyes,
    and block our ears

    By night we lie,
    muse the quotes
    We render it shy,
    till facts denote

    Seemingly fair
    with the spout of some words
    Some find it disdain,
    but the truth should be heard

    It's put in a bottle,
    and placed on a shelf
    Then you lie,
    but only to hurt yourself

    Should it take courage,
    or wisdom to be legally bold?
    Pain soon would build up
    if the truth not were told

    Deflected, is it understood,
    or is it the art of confessing
    Rather anwswer me this,
    is it a burden or a blessing?

    But this poem has been meant to be this way and it makes it special, anyway continue!

    Kev-
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by Wolfeye_666 | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice so true to life some people cant or dont like the truth and are alwaz eager to take someone else apart instead i would like to dedicate your thought to them very well said
    thanx for your coment on sandmans prayer this is about me and my people whom i love no imagination 5 minutes deep in my soul this is the ending of 4 years of poetry i am releasing 4 books in 2006 and all proceeds will be given to my siblings and loved ones upon the death of sandman thanx again sandman
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Sharon, I liked this piece and thought your wording and ideas were very creative. For instance;

    "Render it shy, till facts denote" is an interesting way of expressing Keep it quiet until the truth come out.

    Should it take courage or wisdom to be legally bold? I like this too, but I'm not sure about "legally". That makes it sound well legal rather than moral - Perhaps "Morally bold" might be an alternative. Anyway very nice write~! :)

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought this was creative and definitely had some quality writing to it. the only problem for me is the ryhme scheme. i think that when every line ryhmes it takes away from the piece itself. almost seeming kind of forced. rhyme schemes are great , but i think this poem would be a lot better with a more complex one
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      Saveddragon, I can relate.
    I believe this poem is perfected to a degree. I donot believe you need a more complex rhyming scheme. I donot believe that any wording in any way could be considered misplaced, At least by myself(The neander'er). I enjoy the line,
    'It's put in a bottle, and placed on a shelf
    Then you lie, but only to hurt yourself',
    best.
    Best wishes and godspeed you young sorceress of written word.
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Ratiomeducet | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting, definitly not one I have seen around here. As for the rhyme scheme, gah..I could never rhyme without it sounding forced. But you don't sound forced at all. The rhyming scheme is nice, and i agree with ratio, those two lines are the best. Good job
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      "It's put in a bottle, and placed on a shelf
    Then you lie, but only to hurt yourself"
    My sentiments exactly! I agree with the message this poem expresses... I rememeber reading a quote that went something like: "If you tell the truth, then you don't have anything to remember." Meaning, if you're honest, you don't have to be burdened with keeping track of your lies... Your poem reiterates that! Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by musaXX | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks I appreciate your compliments, all are taken to heart.

    I wote this poem on behalf of those out there whom keep their true feelings in a bottle... The truth should be heard.

    -Sharon
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]


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