In a world full of people who hate
can love be found or is it to late.
In a world where nothing is what it appears to be
can we find peace love or harmony.
Tell me, can the fight for love be won
or is it to late for everyone.
| Short but sweet as I always say. I think that like th others have said this could be the beginnning of a beautiful longer poem, although I have to say in my opinion it could also just be kept like this and be great! I like that. The only thing as far as critiquing would be a couple of grammar or spelling errors. Since this is shorter I will critique by stanzas.|
The first stanza, as far as my thinkings about it I do think that love can still be found even in a world of people thats filled with so much hate. I don't think that it's ever too late to find love.
the second stanza, with the love part your kind of restating what you said in the first stanza but a little different. I think that this is a question that everyone should ask themselves. The way that our society is now a days it's hard to be different, nothing is what we think or see it to be anymore. I'm not sure about being able to find peace , maybe a slight chance of harmony.
third stanza, the ending, beautiful ending at that. I don't think that anyone should give up on love and I don't think that there is ever a time that love can't be fought for
all in all your rhyme scheme was beautiful and it had a good flow, it wasnt pushed or anything like that. Its a good topic to write about actually. I would like to see this go further but its beautiful now. Great write!
|| Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by manderz_1207 | [ Reply to This ] || this was good. but it sounds like the opening of a great poem instead of a poem. i think u should make it longer and elaborate on what ur trying 2 say. if u could make it a decent size and make the whole thing as good as this is, it would be a piece of work. |
|| Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ] || Just as time is killing me, This poem, i enjoyed aspects of it as well. Your rhyming scheme was simple, but it works, so what does it matter? Your word choice is long and narrow like a plank between islands. I recomend trying to rhyme less and using a thesarauss(No idea how its spelt). The Thesaurus is a writer's best friend. Trust me, I know more then someone who doesnt about such things. |
Overall the clarity of this poem is its greatest acheivement. It cries loud and concise 'Be free, Be free, Be loved, before it ends." at least to me (The Neander'er)
|| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Ratiomeducet | [ Reply to This ] || short but sweet! it gave alot of meaning and i followed it very well and thought that even though short it made a whole lot of sense! and i kinda feel the same way and i wonder alot! about love! good job keep it up!||| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ] || Well, it was definitely short, sweet and to the point. I certainly hope it isn't too late for the world to find love and harmony. The only thing I would suggest is mabye change the format of the second stanza to make it an easier read. Overall, it was a good piece. Hope to see more from you soon.|
|| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ] || I assume you just started writing poetry, getting your ideas out is really good. When you slowly progress in your poetry career (not money making career, but you understand what I'm saying) you should come back to the poem and see how much potential it had||| Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by MrBear | [ Reply to This ] || this poem is short! u shuold come back to it and try to make it a little longer but for a start that was good! its a good ? on if its to late for love peace and harmony anyway i loved it! bye bye!|
|| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ] || First, Too late would be a good title for this. Second, this is a really good peice, original, and it makes you think. I don't think it's too short, it gets the point across very well. Very good, my only probelm with it was the mispelling of too, otherwise, its good.|
|| Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ] |