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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomniacdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Restless_Heart
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 44/35/16
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1146



    Description:
       Its just me.What I feel as an insomniac so....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomniacdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bags under my eyes,
    Nothing I do can hide them,
    I refuse to take pills so I wait until I pass out.
    Sleep isn't so precious after a while of being without
    My eye lids are heavy,
    My heart is heavier,
    Caused by stress or guilt,
    No real idea,
    Just never feel tired,
    To much stuff on my mind,
    Can't it get off even for a time,
    It blows me away the more I try,
    The more I'm awake.
    Gaming, talking, playing, chatting,
    I try to bore myself and fall asleep,
    It doesn't work not even during the week,
    Its not the heat, Its not the weather,
    I'm scared of no storm, man or other,
    If I get up I know I won't sleep, I'll stay awake Looking for something to take,
    All this available space that I use when I'm awake.
    Never ending, no cure
    I plan to be here in this world,
    For a long time,
    If not ahh well,
    Atleast I'll be resting, Peacefully.
    Finally, Finally, Finally in a land of no frights.


    Copywritten 2005




    Submitted on 2005-06-08 21:07:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great subject to tackle. Lots of feelings. It is a good vision of the thought process as you go through the night.

    You might want to check the typos.

    PLaying

    I'll stay awake Looking for something to take


    I am a little confused by

    I'm scared of no storm, man or other,
    and then ending with
    Finally, Finally, Finally in a land of no frights.

    Maybe tighten up some lines like

    It blows me away the more I try,
    The more I'm awake.

    to
    It blows me away the longer I try,
    The more I'm awake.


    Just ideas. I hope you can find some rest.

    I wonder how many great artists have suffered from the same thing.
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      great write, so hard for me to sleep unless im sick so i know the feeling. I gree with beatthedrum, fix the typos and tighten up the lines but it is an awesome write.

    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      hey joe tis was a good write i think so ne way
    I feel that they rhyme is very strong and it is very fittin for how you are feeling as well as with your other pieces. but so far by far this is one of the better ones that i have read
    Very well done

    Peace Out
    Samm R
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by Raven_s Miser | [ Reply to This ]
      this one makes me feel for you...god, i dont know waht id do just sitting there bored...being bored is one of my greatest fears...you should take pills just for the hell of it.sad write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by intoxicated411 | [ Reply to This ]


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