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    dots Submission Name: Drowningdots

    Author: luvy
    ASL Info:    19/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 270/168/35
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1288
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 573

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    I was drowning slowly but surely
    Drowning in an ocean of tears
    Then i saw you there on the shore waiting
    Waiting for the day when would calm my fears
    Waiting for the day when you would dry my tears
    When i saw you i swam to you,i embraced you
    I smiled as you whisperd sweet nothings in my ear
    I laughed as you drove away my fears
    Together we stood hand in hand on the shore
    Watching as my ocean of tears dried up
    I felt a warmness in my heart
    Hoping praying that we would never grow apart.

    Submitted on 2005-06-08 21:42:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It confused me. The poem had a morbid feel, and so does the title - but the ending... Which is basically the most important part of the poem - was happy. Now happiness isn't a bad thing, but it seems like when you were writing this poem you were getting alot of images in your head and this is what came out. Therefore showing that the speaker still loves this person, and that they got back together somehow. If you change the title to something that explains the lost and found of your soul it will make more sense. If I'm wrong please comment on my comment because I'm assuming alot here and it's not my position to say what the poem is about.
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by MrBear | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good peice, I loved the images it brought to my mind and the almost mordish underlining under it (if that even makes any sense)
    | Posted on 2005-06-08 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I understand what it feels like to be lost in your own sorrow, then find someone who can help push thru it all with unconditional love. I liked how the start of it was sad, but in the end gave hope. Good work.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem beautifully written! dont change anythign just like D.Q said! it is really good how u describe the ocean as ur tears! anyway i loved it! read some of my stuff iight gena! love ya gurl!
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i know how u feel babe i think amanda could be that person 4 me w swim to. she keeps me calm. i just don't like confiding in people. i hope this person is still taking care of u. this one looks like a fave 4 me. holla at u later
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]

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