Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: goodbye rockdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 609



    Description:
       dropping a heavy load off your life


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgoodbye rockdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Floating peacefully across the waves,
    I become at one with the bobbing of the water.
    Gazing at an undefinable horizon,
    where the sea and sky become one.
    In my hands, a rock
    rough, jagged, bitter,
    cruel edges that could pierce the skin.
    I rub my thumb across its surface,
    as I stare into that vast mist of grey and green.
    Extend my arm over the mystery below,
    and in one quick movement
    drop that stone of worry.
    Goodbye.

    Watching that rock sink into a musty unknown oblivion,
    I smile a slight, shy smile.




    Submitted on 2005-06-09 01:41:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice, a complete story in one short poem. It's the beautiful event of starting a new life and so well described, I could really feel the meaning behind it all while reading. This will be going in my favorites...
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this little poem. I can relate with the sentimates and enjoyed the set up of the content. A few of the word choices seem a little out of place to me, but not enough to really compromise much. Nice work; keep at it.
    -Katj
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Katj | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a short but complete poem as gavin said. It has a calming effect and if worry was so easy to drop, it would be wow!

    Thanks for a interesting read :) Good work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      While being short, there was enough said! This was a great simili piece. I loved how you wrote this. I feel like a huge weight was lifted off of my chest! Bravo, I think this one was beautifully written!
    Alissa
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    62086

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry