Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When she leftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 812
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 811



    Description:
       i wrote this for my great grandmother whom was and still is a big influence in my life. personally i think this sucks but i know she would have loved it. she was an amazing person


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen she leftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I thought no one could see me
    And I was alone in the world
    How did it come to be that you
    Some how belonged to me

    When my world was crazy
    And upside down
    With confusion everywhere
    You stuck with me

    Like the time I lost my temper
    You listened like I was all that mattered
    Offering advice and a comforting smile
    You sat with me

    When my tears fell like rain
    And I learned to hide myself
    Behind the wall upon a shelf
    Somehow you grew to understand my pain

    But than one day you went away
    I sat by your side as my tears
    Rolled down my face
    Completely inconsolable
    To the loss of your grace









    Submitted on 2005-06-09 01:54:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I am sorry to hear about your grandmom. I am sure wherever she is, she is loved and remembered :)

    And about the poem, it doesn't suck. It's quite nicely written :)

    "When my tears fell like rain
    And I learned to hide myself
    Behind the wall upon a shelf
    Somehow you grew to understand my pain'..i liked this part.
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was a very good poem, a tribute to someone dear to you. Death is so hard to deal with, I have lost too many who were very close to me and it never gets any easier, always missing them, but the memories always last! My sympathies to you! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was a very good poem, and a hard one to capture completly. I understand where you're coming from, and that makes the poem so much better. I really really like it. The only thing I didn't like was the rythm seemed to be a wee bit off, or maybe I'm a little off, or well. :D
    Cheers,
    ~Sephe~
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      This doesn't suck at all! I'm sure ur gram would have loved it! Death is a crazy thing that brings all kinds of emotions and I think u captured them well. Again, very good...take care and hang in there! :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, you've been busy, huh? This is a good poem, and its lovely that its dedicated to your grandmum. I, unfortunately, don't have a close relationship with my grandmoms or great grandmothers (my greta-grandmothers died when I was young) But its good that at least you got close to her. I hope all is well!
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was also another good poem of yours. not sure who its about though, but I have a fairly good guess. Baby, you know I'm here for you if you ever want or need to talk about anything, no matter what it is, even if I can't help, I'll still be here for you and listen to you. Oh, I feel dumb...It s about your grandmother, which is what I guessed, but I could have just read the description. Anyways, I like this poem so mmuch. That's very special to have a relationship like that with someone, not everybody gets that gift. I hope I talk to you soon. Bye baby... SAM
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem.it's sad but sweet at the same time.my favorite part is:

    "When I thought no one could see me
    And I was alone in the world
    How did it come to be that you
    Some how belonged to me"

    keep up the good work :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Jeka | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem.it's sad but sweet at the same time.my favorite part is:

    "When I thought no one could see me
    And I was alone in the world
    How did it come to be that you
    Some how belonged to me"

    keep up the good work :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Jeka | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem.it's sad but sweet at the same time.my favorite part is:

    "When I thought no one could see me
    And I was alone in the world
    How did it come to be that you
    Some how belonged to me"

    keep up the good work :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Jeka | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    62087

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry