Description: I foolishly challenged Big Bill to a competition of sorts........ but hey, this is what I came up with, so tell me what you think - check out his submission too, its got a very different take on the kids of today.
Self destructive kids
On their way down
Drowning
In a sea of floating trash
Wherever the spliff wind blows
Hormones and harlots
Rum and sodomy
Ruling the concrete
With the cutlass
No love for the King's men
Cause
Everytime he tries to be their master
It just makes them pull the trigger faster
Just Pirate smalltalk
On a Leicester sidewalk
I'll let them sail to the sun
Until their adolescence is undone
Kids are modern day city pirates and i love the imagery which you have created of them. The title caught my eye, as I live in leicestershire. Is this poem about the city Leciester in particualr or has the name come from elsewhere?
Hah Django, your's is not any better than mine We are evenly matched I would say Very nice descriptions here, and it isn't overdone Har matee. Big Bill-
Wow this wasn't what I was thinking about this poem when I saw the title, from this work piece I know your mature, and you hate non-mature, if I'm right well than you wrote what you wanted to write, if it wasn't put more adjectives. I think thats what would help. Kev-
Well, I like the idea behind it. I can't say I loved the poem itself. I find it strange that parts of your poem rhyme, and others don't. It sort of threw me off.
Very well done, I think you covered all the points of pubescence here, and not many adults would disagree with you.
The only advice I have is the word "cause" I think it should be because, as the first time I read it I read "Cause" as in "cause and effect" and had to stop mid-flow to adjust my thinking. Otherwise, great! I'll check Bill's out. Be Happy
Genius! Ha, I'm 12 and 346 days old and feel the same way. Dissmissing stereo types and hating those who fit them. The metaphor was powerful. Great metaphor. .: - Tekin_Kashami - :.
I really liked this...and it is a very good ending, implying the sadness of the fact that kids like that are going to find out the hard way and have their innocence smashed because they are not about to listen to anyone...its sad
Submission Name: Leicester Pirates
